


Shaken and Stirred

by Songbirdsmile



Series: Family Found [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Higher Ground
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Decisions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Drama, Family Vacation, Friendly Co-Parenting, Mentions of past abuse, Misunderstandings, More secrets revealed, Mount Horizon, Multi, Secrets, Surprise Connections, Virginia, emotional scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 11:00:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27849798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songbirdsmile/pseuds/Songbirdsmile
Summary: Companion/Sequel to Family FoundWhen Shelby’s world is rocked by a surprising family revelation, she must face a resurgence of emotional issues she thought were behind her and dare to trust the new possibilities for happiness ahead. Can she and Jess fit into JJ’s world? Can she and Steve strengthen their bonds? Time will tell.Part 1 - WINTER, Now Complete (snapshots from the Family Found timeline)Part 2 - SPRING,  In Progress (the continuing story)
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., Past Steve McGarrett/Shelby Merrick, Steve McGarrett & Shelby Merrick
Series: Family Found [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038698
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. PART 1 - WINTER - Friday Night

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: As I continued writing this series, it developed into a split story between Family Found (focusing on JJ) and the companion/sequel story Shaken and Stirred (focusing on Shelby's life and maybe Jess's). They don't have to be read concurrently, but if you want to, and want a reference guide, the chronological chapter reading order is listed at the bottom of my profile.
> 
> If read by itself, Part 1 of Shaken and Stirred will be snapshots of Shelby's experience during the Family Found timeline. Once we reach the conclusion of Family Found, the story will continue forward with Part 2 of Shaken and Stirred. Hope this makes sense!
> 
> P.S. If you are here for Steve, he'll be hinted at in Family Found, come into play mid-Part 1 of Shaken and Stirred, and be featured more regularly as time passes throughout the rest of the series. Don't get discouraged if you don't see much of him yet.
> 
> P.P.S. If you're here for the BAU fam, they will be featured less in Part 2, as it focuses on Shelby getting to know the family, but they'll be back more often later on. There's still lots of JJ! Stick with me!
> 
> Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Trigger Warning: If you are unfamiliar with the Higher Ground storyline, Shelby and Jess’s childhood was scarred by sexual abuse at the hands of their stepfather. If you are unfamiliar with JJ’s Criminal Minds backstory, her older sister committed suicide when JJ was 11. I will not be referencing these directly for now, but the resulting emotional traumas are threaded through the plot. They will be discussed eventually. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

It had been a rough afternoon on the mountain. Turned out, the trail Shelby’s group had followed was washed out from recent storms after about two miles. She’d had the kids use maps and compasses to reroute to a safer one. Then, two of her little darlings had stumbled, literally, into a wasp nest and sent the whole group scattering through the woods. By the time the wasps had retreated and she’d found all the kids, it had been too close to sunset to continue. Doing her best to turn it into a teachable moment, she had talked about the importance of adaptability and not running from problems as they trudged back to the school.

They’d arrived well into dinner time, and a worried Peter was waiting on the steps of the cafeteria building.

Shelby called from the back, “Okay, Storm Singers, drop your packs here and grab dinner before they quit serving. But after you’re done, you know the drill, I want everything back where it belongs. Good hike today!”

The kids muttered as they filed inside.

“Fun day?” Peter stood as they passed, quirking an eyebrow at their faces.

“The south fork of Grey’s Ridge Pass is washed out.” She smacked the map against his chest as she passed. “I need coffee.”

“Jess phoned the office a few hours ago and asked for a callback tonight.” Peter called after her.

Shelby paused. “Is she okay? I think she’s supposed to be working second shift this week.”

“Didn’t say. Didn’t sound too urgent, she just said tonight.”

“All right, thanks. I’ll grab some food and a shower, then I’ll call her back.”

She made her way back to the cafeteria line. Tonight’s entrée was turkey tetrazzini, one of her favorites on the Café Horizon menu. Glad for a better end to the day, she ate slowly, savoring the treat and watching her group interact from a distance. There’d been something off between her two alpha males lately, but they seemed fine today. Maybe they’d worked it out, whatever it was.

As the kids all finished and headed back to their dorms, she lingered to make sure they dealt with the packs as ordered before crossing campus to her own cabin at the edge of the woods.

She walked straight past the chaos of discarded toys. Her daughter had still not accepted the concept of playing with one toy at a time. They were working on diligent cleanup, but obviously yesterday had been a fail. Except it wasn’t. Didn’t they put everything away last night? She’d done all that in the morning?

Ginny’s messy gene was all Shelby. Her father would have been appalled by the disarray. In fact, Steve was the only one who had been successful in getting Ginny to pick up her toys consistently. But then, he was only in town for short periods of time, and Ginny was eager to please Daddy.

After showering off the trail funk, Shelby went back to the main room to survey the damage. Not terrible, but she would have to talk with Gracie again. The girl was an angel for helping her with Ginny. When Shelby had returned to Horizon four years ago with baby Ginny, she was surprised to find the little girl she’d once rescued from a mountain cliffside now a fourteen-year-old eager for babysitting money. She wasn’t always the most attentive to Ginny’s rules, but she loved Shelby’s daughter like a sister.

She’d miss Gracie when the girl headed off to college next fall, but Ginny would be devastated. She hated when her friends left. Luckily, as the most precocious four-year-old at Horizon—also the only four-year-old at Horizon—she was never lacking in friends. The students treated her like a mascot, and the staff was like extended family.

Sighing, Shelby grabbed her cell and dialed Jess, picking up toys as it rang.

“You’re back!”

“Hey, Jess. What’s up?”

“How was the hike?”

“Nightmarish. They walked into a wasp nest… Took me an hour to find them all after they ran screaming in different directions.”

Jess giggled, “Oh my…”

“But we made it back in time for turkey tet night, so my day’s balancing out. You called earlier?”

“Yeah, I did. I don’t want to dampen your turkey bliss, but some stuff came up today that I need to tell you about. Are you free to talk for a while?”

“Ginny’s having a sleepover with Gracie tonight, so dampen away. Everything okay?”

“Well, I’m fine now—excited, actually—but what I have to tell you may not be the easiest to hear at first.”

“Spit it out, Jess.” Used to her sister’s rambling, she knew being blunt would get the quickest version.

“Well, I was heading out for my shift at the hospital today, when I ran into your other half.”

“Okay, that’s odd, but not hard to hear. Why’s Steve in Olympia? And anyways, he’s not my other half anymore, Jess. Never really was.”

“That’s a conversation we’re going to put a pin in for another day, but no, not Steve. I mean your actual other half. I walked out of my house, and there you were.”

“…Jess, are you sure you’re okay? You’re not making any sense.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m trying to break this to you lightly, and I’m not doing a good job.”

“Well, clear it up.” Shelby was getting very antsy waiting for the bomb to drop.

“So, after I talked to your doppelganger outside my house, I called Mom to tell her about the weird coincidence. And she got real awkward about it. I pushed, and she told me some stuff that’s going to piss you off. I figured it was better you hear it from me first, on the off chance she could grow a conscience and call you about it herself. You sitting down?”

“Just tell me already.” She dropped the stuffed animal she’d collected and moved her hand to her hip, looking up at the ceiling, trying her best to send her annoyance through the phone.

Jess took an audible breath before stating resolutely, “You’re a twin.”

Shelby wasn’t sure she heard that right. She waited for Jess to continue, but her sister was oddly silent.

“Huh?” she eventually prompted.

That was enough to jumpstart the babbling.

“Mom said that the father we never knew was named Henry Jareau, and we were born in Pennsylvania—”

“The twin thing, Jess!”

“I’m getting there. Hang on. So, Mom and Henry Jareau were married. When they divorced the year I was born, she took back her maiden name, Merrick, and changed ours, too. Then, she moved us to Washington. But the big thing is that when she and Henry divorced, they split up the kids. Shel, we have an older sister and you have a twin. She’s who I met today. Randomly, in the rain, outside my house. Her name is Jennifer Jareau, and she’s an F.B.I. agent. She was here tracking down clues about that murderer they discovered in the Olympia area lately, talking to one of my neighbors. They caught him, by the way, so that’s a relief. Not my neighbor. Some other guy. I saw it on the news tonight. Your twin is a serial killer-catching hero, Shel. Shelby? You’re not talking. I can keep going. You know I can fill an awkward silence to the moon and back, but say something, Shel. …Is this angry silence? Shocked silence? Confused silence? Bad connection? …Shelby?”


	2. Friday Night - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always admired writers who can stick to a posting schedule... I won't be one of them. Third chapter following shortly. :) Since this work is currently a companion story to Family Found, I'll be bouncing back and forth with a few chapters as needed.
> 
> Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

“Shelby Joanna! Please say something so I know you aren’t passed out from shock and drowning in a puddle of your own drool. You’re really starting to wo—"

“Shut UP, Jess!”

“Thank you. I’ll be quiet and let you process now. I’m assuming that’s what you want.”

.

.

.

“You know, Jennifer did the same thing when I told her. Made me shut up so she could think.”

“Anyone would. You could talk the ears off Mount Rushmore.”

“Ehn. You love me anyways.”

“I question that decision daily.” Shelby was now sitting in a heap on the floor, among an array of puzzle pieces, LEGOs, and stuffed animals. Her knees had given out somewhere in the middle of Jess’s ‘Shelby Merrick, This Is Your Life’ speech, and now she was clutching a teddy bear like a life preserver.

“I know this is big, but isn’t it exciting? Once you get past the shock.”

“Not past it yet, Jess.”

“Okay, continue processing. I’ll wait.”

.

.

.

“All right. I wish I could have done this in-person instead of by phone. I’m going to need you to give me a self-report. Where are you now on the freak-out scale? With 1 being ‘No Problem, I’m Handling This Well,’ and 10 being ‘Call Backup, I’ll Be Catatonic in a Minute.’ How are you doing?”

Shelby snorted at that. “Started around a 9, but dropping.”

“And now?”

“Maybe a 7?”

“Good. How can I help?”

“Think I can deal with you talking now—”

“Gee, thanks—”

“—so walk me through this again. You saw a woman who looked like me outside your house?”

“Yes. And I thought it was you coming to visit me. Thought I don’t know why I would have thought that, you haven’t been down to Olympia in almost a year.”

Shelby ignored that comment. “Why’d you think she was me?”

“Shel, when I say she looks like you, I mean she looks like you. Her hair’s shorter, and maybe her face is a little fuller, but I’m definitely thinking identical twin. My brain didn’t hesitate, I just started talking to you. She looked at me like I was nuts—”

“Which you are.”

“—and said she worked for the F.B.I. and had to get back to catching a killer. Then she left.”

“And you called Alice.” Shelby was surprised to feel resignation rather than anger at that name.

“Yes. I thought it was an odd enough coincidence to mention. Didn’t think it was really something, just figured we’d laugh about a doppelganger. I mean, I started to second guess it right after she left. She was across the street. It was raining. It all happened in under a minute, really. Maybe she wasn’t that close of a lookalike. Anyways, it was bothering me enough to run it past Mom, so I called her while I was driving in for my shift.”

“Which you are not currently working.”

“No, I called in and begged someone to swap me once I heard what Mom had to say. I had my own mini freak-out in the parking lot.”

“Glad to hear I’m not alone in that.”

“Not a bit. JJ did, too. When I was telling her what Mom said—”

“I said walk me through, Jess, not sprint. What did Alice say?” Ah. There was the anger.

“Sorry. When I mentioned your lookalike and said her name was Jennifer, she just made this weird strangled sound and went silent. Kinda like you did a minute ago. Well, by this time, I was at the hospital, so I pulled into a spot, turned off the car, and demanded she tell me who the woman was. It was obvious she knew something. You know how she gets evasive when she doesn’t like the subject? She kept trying to talk about other things and laugh it off. I was getting really worked up. Finally, I just yelled at her to tell me, and she blurted out ‘She’s Shelby’s twin sister.’ And I said ‘She can’t be our sister, we couldn’t possibly have a sister we knew nothing about for 27 years.’ Then, she went into the details of our dad, Henry Jareau, and her being married and living in Pennsylvania with us before they divorced when I was a baby. She said they divided the kids in the divorce, that she took you and me and followed some guy here to Washington—obviously a winner, since those were her words. Some guy.—and Henry took your twin sister and our older sister.”

“Two sisters,” Shelby exhaled in disbelief.

“That was when I screamed at her. I mean, how dare they keep two sisters secret from us for our entire lives? Especially a twin. That’s like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment, right? Separating twins. And you guys would have been about two years old, so it’s not like that wouldn’t have affected you. I was just a baby, I wouldn’t have been aware of anything really, but you guys and an older sister. That would be majorly traumatic. I got so mad I eventually just hung up on her. Of all the horrible decisions she has made in our lives, this one… I couldn’t help but start spinning through all the what-ifs. Your life could have been so different if we’d just…”

“Jess.” Shelby knew where Jess was going with this, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought it for a moment, too, but there was no point.

“It’s not like they couldn’t have said ‘Hey, your sisters live with your dad,’ and traded us back and forth for vacations or something. We could have called or written. We could have known each other. Been there for each other. Had another option when things got bad.”

Shelby needed to stop her before she could drag them both under the memories.

“Jess. What-ifs don’t do anybody any good. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s done. Let’s just figure out what to do from here.”

Shelby heard a shuddering exhale.

“I’m sorry. I am supposed to be breaking the news to you. And here you are talking me down.”

“I don’t think there’s any ‘supposed to’ for a situation like this. We’re just living it as it happens.”

“You’ve gone back into counselor mode. Does that mean you’ve dropped farther down the freak-out scale?”

“Yeah, maybe a 5 now. You were doing the freaking out for me. Thanks for that. How are you doing with all this?”

“I’m okay. I thought I got all that out earlier.”

“I think we’ll be dealing with this for a while. Just the next chapter in ‘Ways Our Mother Screwed Up Our Lives.’ So you hung up on Alice. You called in sick. Then what? You said you talked to Jennifer about this. How did that happen?”

“I tried calling you first, left the message. I was coming around from rage to curiosity, and she said she was F.B.I. on a murder case in the area, so I went and found a paper, looked for anything about the case. It said the F.B.I. was working with Olympia P.D. to find a missing girl, so I went down to the station. When I got there, I asked for Agent Jennifer Jareau, and she walked right out. I think she still thought I was crazy.”

“Most would.” Shelby laughed. She could tell from the longer pause that Jess was sticking her tongue out at the phone.

“We went back to a conference room, and I told her what I knew. About the conversation with Mom. She freaked out, too. Looked like she was fighting really hard to breathe at one point. She snapped at me to stop for a minute, so we just sat there while she calmed down. I was trying so hard not to be creepy about it, but I couldn’t help just staring at her, now that we were up close, looking for all the similarities and differences from you. Aside from the haircut, you’re pretty much the same. She reminded me of you from a few years ago.”

Shelby huffed, “Well, thanks for that. My twin is the younger version of me?”

“No, no. Not that she looked younger. It was more a softness. You’ve been hitting the mountain hard since you moved back to Horizon. Chasing Ginny all over the place, too. You’re super toned and slim lately. She was more like you when you were in San Diego. Anyways, she finally calmed down and asked for pictures. I showed her a couple on my phone from our last hiking trip, and she started stressing out again. It’s gotta be weird to see yourself in photos, but it’s not you. Then, I offered to bring her up to meet you tomorrow, and she kicked me out.”

“What?”

“Well, basically, I think she just wanted me to shut up again, but she said she was worried her team would be back soon and wanted more time to think. So I gave her my phone number and told her to call me tonight. I’m still waiting on that.”

“You’re bringing her to Horizon? Tomorrow? Jess!”

“It’s fast, I know. But her team closed the case, so they’ve gotta be leaving soon. I figured you’d want to meet her. Couldn’t ask you since you were in the woods, but you do, right?”

“Yeah… I guess.” Shelby was starting to work her way back up Jess’s freak-out scale.

“Well, nothing’s set yet. I just told her you were away ‘til tomorrow. She’s supposed to call me. It’s only 7:30, I really hope she does. I want the chance to get to know her.”

Shelby could hear the longing in Jess’s voice.

“Whether she calls tonight or not, we have the rest of our lives to build a relationship, Jess.”

“I know, but… she’s here. I have so many questions piling up in my brain. When I’m not angry at Mom, I’m really excited about this.”

“Yeah. I get it. I guess if she wants to come tomorrow, it’s fine with me. I’ll ask someone else to take my group for the day. Ginny’s already with Gracie, I’ll call and see if they can make it a girls’ weekend.” Thinking through details was helping Shelby keep a lid on her stress.

“You don’t want her to know about Ginny?”

Shelby’s mama bear defenses bristled at those words. “Did you already tell her?”

“No.”

“Jess, I don’t know her yet. Just based on our reactions today, we know any first meeting is going to be tough. I don’t want Ginny to see all that. I’ll tell Jennifer about her, but I don’t want Ginny here.”

“Okay, that makes sense. How about Peter and Sophie?”

Shelby considered for a moment. “Might be good to have some extra people there so we don’t all just sit around freaking out and telling you to shut up…”

“You don’t think we’re done panicking?”

“Oh, this whole thing has major explosion potential. For all of us. Besides, Peter and Sophie will want to meet her, too. They’re family.”

“True.”

Shelby needed to end the call soon. There were cracks forming in her walls again, and she didn’t want Jess to worry.

“I think I’m done for tonight, Jess. Let me know if she calls back about a visit. And thanks. For talking me through this, for finding her…”

“No problem. Shel, we’ve got more family. It’s like a second chance!”

The raw hope made Shelby’s eyes sting. “Ginny’s already my second chance, but I’m glad all this is happening. Talk to you later.”

“Yep, see ya!”

Shelby closed her phone and looked around, bewildered. She collapsed backwards, landing on top of a few of the toys. After a few minutes of focused breathing, she sat up, contorted to remove some building blocks from her shoulder blades, opened the phone again, and dialed Sophie.

“Hi, Shelby!”

“Hey, Soph.” All her careful breathing was for naught. The cracks were back.

“Heard you had a difficult hike.”

“Yeah, difficult’s one word for it. Dinner and a shower helped.”

“Did you call Jess back?”

“Mmhmm.” They were widening at an alarming rate now.

“It sounded important. Was she okay?”

Shelby took a deep, shuddering breath. “She unearthed some family secrets of epic proportions… Ginny’s with Gracie tonight. Soph, I’m about to indulge in a meltdown. Could use a shoulder.” The cracks had reached her voice.

“I’m bringing four. We’ll be right there, Shelby. Hold on.”

“Bring chocolate?”


	3. Friday Night - part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

When Sophie and Peter rushed in five minutes later, Shelby was still sitting on the floor, legs all askew. Tears were now silently streaming down her cheeks, and she had a stranglehold on the teddy bear. Sophie took one look and rushed to sit beside her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

The dam broke. As Shelby released loud, heart-wrenching sobs, Sophie just rocked her and smoothed a hand down her hair.

Peter moved around, efficiently putting away all the toys. Then he disappeared to the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues, and eased down behind them, rubbing a hand over Shelby’s back.

Ten minutes later, her sobs had quieted to hiccupping gasps. She hadn’t processed any more of the situation, simply let her body react to the overwhelming stress from Jess’s phone call. Now, she began to think about it. Shock, rage, hurt, confusion, and longing were all warring on her face when Sophie shifted away and reached behind her.

Shelby tried to laugh when Sophie turned back waving a chocolate bar and the box of tissues, but all that came out was a strangled cry. She cleaned up her face and then hastily unwrapped the candy, taking a bite between hiccups.

“Thanks, guys.”

They waited her out as her breathing calmed and she closed her eyes in sweet-toothed appreciation.

“What happened, Shel?” It was Peter who spoke up first, and he sounded distraught. As Director of Horizon, he may understand and have vast experience with emotional outbursts, but as Peter, it hurt to see his friends in pain.

“You said Jess found some epic family secrets. What could possibly have you this tangled up?” Sophie asked.

“Oh, just some long-lost family members we didn’t know anything about. One of whom is my twin sister.”

Their bug-eyed expressions helped clear the last dregs of the crying jag.

“Jess found a woman on her street this afternoon, thought she was me, and tried to invite her in. The woman thought she was crazy and left. One angry and revealing phone call to Alice later, and Jess is breaking the news to both of us and arranging a family get-together. Turns out I had a probably-identical twin, an older sister, and an absentee father back in Pennsylvania all these years.” She blew out a harsh breath and ate another chunk of chocolate. “It’s not as if anything that woman did should surprise me anymore. She’s lied my whole life. Only cares about herself.”

“So Jess really met your sister?” Sophie grabbed another tissue and wiped at Shelby’s eyes.

“Yeah. The Fates decided to play with us. She’s just visiting Washington for a few days and ends up in front of Jess’s house at the exact moment that Jess is leaving for the hospital. How bizarre is that?”

“Pretty bizarre. What’s she doing here?” Peter asked. “And can we move to the couch, ladies? My knee’s not loving the floor.”

“Jess informs me that my sister is a super hero.” Shelby said as they all stood. “She’s here catching killers with the F.B.I.”

“Whoa! That’s different.” Sophie paused in pulling on the sweatshirt she’d brought. “Did she know anything about you girls?”

“Apparently not. Jess said she reacted kinda like I did.” Shelby laughed, “She kept telling Jess to shut up so she could think.”

“Well, she certainly sounds like your twin.” Peter grinned.

After a minute, she whispered, “I hope she wasn’t alone if she broke down like I did, too.” Shelby cleared her throat and continued quietly. “Um… Jess is waiting for her to call back, but she wants to bring her up here to meet me tomorrow.”

“Wow! That’s great, right? We’d all like to meet her, I’m sure.”

“Yeah. Peter, are any of the guest cabins free this weekend? I mean, just in case she wants to stay overnight after driving up the mountain.”

“Of course, Shel. Lots of room.”

“Good.” Shelby didn’t know what else to say, but she was so glad to have them both with her. “You guys want to watch a movie? Or do you have to go?”

“We can stay,” Sophie offered, with a hand on Shelby’s cheek. “But we’re not letting Peter pick this time.”

“Hey! I choose good stuff.”

“Your last three picks beg to differ, friend.” Shelby curled up in the center of the couch and finished her chocolate bar as she watched them fight over the TV. Whatever this new family was like, her chosen family was still the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Switch back to Chapter 4 of Family Found now, if you are reading this series chronologically.


	4. Saturday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long day of emotional highs and lows in meeting her twin sister, Shelby finds comfort with her Horizon family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short chapter is an end-cap to Chapter 6 of Family Found, if you are reading the stories concurrently.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

The desired ice cream sugar crash was slow to hit. Shelby had waited another half hour after JJ left the kitchen to return to the fireplace. JJ and Will had retired to bed by then, but her family was still there, waiting for her.

She dropped onto the sofa next to Jess, grabbing a throw pillow to hug. “Well, today sucked. But it was pretty great, too.”

Peter smiled at her. “You did great, Shel. I like your sister.”

Thinking back through the day, Shelby’s heart swelled with emotion. Over a few short hours, this new person had become so vital to her happiness that she was terrified of what came next. Of course, it wouldn’t do to let anyone know that.

“Yeah, I suppose we can keep her.”

“Of course, we’re keeping her! I can’t wait to meet her little Henry.”

The rush of longing stung. She’d been dwelling on this during her ice cream feast, and words spilled out before her brain could stop them.

“Jess, you do realize we all live on opposite sides of the country, right? It might be a while before we can get together again. Plus, it sounds like her job keeps her bouncing all over at a moment’s notice, so it will be a hard thing to plan.”

Jess deflated. “Well, yeah. But we can talk on the computer or the phone anytime. Like Ginny and Steve.”

“You’re right,” she apologized. “I’m just a little raw after everything today.”

“Don’t stress about it, Shel.” Jess moved closer and began combing her fingers through Shelby’s hair. “I think we’re all pretty invested in this. We’ll make time for each other.”

Shelby kept silent, filter back in place, but she leaned towards Jess a little. 

“We certainly stirred up a lot of memories in all this. Anything poking at you?” Sophie asked quietly.

“Not tonight, Soph. I can’t take any more tonight.” She hoped they would all let her be for now. The downside of living and working amongst counselors, is that everyone wanted to talk, analyze, and help. All the time.

“Okay, sweetheart.”

After a moment, Shelby announced sleepily, “Ginny’s back tomorrow morning. I should go to bed.”

The others raised eyebrows at that news. No one had been sure if Shelby would want to share her daughter so quickly.

“Well, anyone got a couch for this poor, wandering girl tonight?” Jess asked, standing and gathering mugs.

Peter and Sophie laughed, but Shelby spoke up first. She may have been relieved to not be faced with her inquisitive four-year-old tonight, but she wanted company. Even if it was her overly chipper little sister, for whom she would have to shore up her walls, hiding the full range of her emotions.

“Come on.” She dragged herself up for goodnight hugs and led the way back to her cabin.

*****

In silence, the women got ready for bed, events of the day heavy on their minds. Jess gathered up her things and headed towards Ginny’s room, her usual bed when she visited, as Ginny would move to her mom’s.

As she rounded the corner, Shelby called her back with a slightly desperate, “Jess?”

Jess found her sister tensely perched on the edge of her bed with fists full of comforter, a blank face, and wild, glistening eyes. She gave Shelby a long, searching look, then placed her things on a nearby chair and crawled into bed without a word.

They didn’t do this often—hadn’t in years, in fact—but sometimes, when one of them was having a particularly terrible day, they would find comfort in the closeness.

Shelby immediately switched off the lamp and curled up with her head touching Jess’s shoulder, hugging a pillow tightly against her chest.

Jess dropped a kiss onto the crown of Shelby’s head and settled back onto her pillow.

Just as Jess was drifting off, she heard a quiet “Gemmi Bear.”


	5. Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading these stories concurrently: this chapter follows Chapter 10 of Family Found.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

Shelby sprinted out of the lodge and into the woods, veering off to the right and up the hill. Her target was a large bigleaf maple tree about 200 yards off the path. When she reached it, she wasted no time in clambering up the thick branches to her favorite perch. The tree was old. So old that its gnarled branches were wide and strong enough to create comfortable seats, and Shelby’s favorite spot was about fifteen feet up, against the main trunk.

She’d stumbled across this tree in her first year back at Horizon while tracking a student runner and returned a week later to scope out its climbing potential. She was pleased to find a spot that reminded her of the arms of the carved bear on campus, a place she’d once found solace during a bad moment. Her new perch was created by one branch that forked at a nearly flat angle and quickly curved around as it rose. Another branch beginning a foot higher and a little further around the trunk provided a backrest to the wide space, making it safe to curl up between the branches and the trunk.

She’d told no one of her discovery, glad to find a comforting place away from the students, and she used it sparingly. Only when her emotions swelled so much that she couldn’t hold off a major crying jag.

As she tucked her feet up and swiped at persistent tears, she considered what made her panic during the call. It had been going so well. Sandy had been so kind and welcoming, and Henry was adorable. They were all talking easily until Henry started to get upset. Then, Shelby’s anxiety had multiplied with his cries.

Though it was a long list, her traumas didn’t include anything associated with crying babies—well, no more than any mother who’d dealt with utter exhaustion while a colicky child wailed through the night—so she couldn’t fathom why that might have triggered her emotions.

She certainly wasn’t jonesing for another baby. She loved her Ginny Rabbit, and was quite content with their life. Steve was a good friend, but they had never considered or discussed additional children, even when they were together. Ginny was an unexpected blessing who’d poured sunlight into their worlds, giving them both the unconditional love that they craved.

Sandy’s kindness had been a relief, not a stressor. Sure, Shelby had been jealous of the ease with which JJ and her mom spoke—there wasn’t a bit of resentment anywhere in the conversation she overheard—but that just made her happy for her sister, grateful that she’d avoided one of the Merrick girls’ issues. JJ’d had a loving family to support her through the difficult losses in her childhood, a safe and comforting home to re—

Oh. Well, that explained it. As Shelby ran through the conversation in her head, she recalled JJ comforting Henry, telling him she’d be home soon. She was leaving. Of course, Shelby knew this—she’d never expect her newfound sister to uproot and move across the country just because new family members appeared—but in such a pleasant moment, the sudden reminder of abandonment hit her hard.

Trigger identified and defused; her tears began to subside. She breathed deeply and absorbed the calm of the forest around her. The constant stream of natural sounds—bird calls, rustling leaves, skittering critters—brought her heart rate back down and stilled her shaking hands.

This was just a relapse of what she’d been worrying about the night before. JJ wouldn’t abandon anybody. If Shelby had learned one thing in their day together, it was that their sister shared many of their best qualities. Strong-willed, kindhearted, family-centered… She might be busy, but like Jess reasoned, she’d make the time. Shelby had been stubbornly denying these facts last night, but through the morning, seeing JJ interact with Ginny, she was moving quickly towards acceptance.

Finally coming down from the panicked adrenaline rush, she let the woods lull her into a short nap.


	6. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows Family Found, chapter 12.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

Steve waved at his daughter as she appeared on the screen. “Hi, munchkin!”

“Hi, Daddy! Guess what!” Ginny had been doing these calls for a long time now. She knew not to waste any time in saying the important things.

“Umm… The squirrels gave you a magic pinecone that turns broccoli into cookies?” That got amused side-eyes and snickers from the guys nearby. He had headphones on, but that didn’t stop them from hearing his responses, perhaps all the more ridiculous for being out of context. He just casually flipped them off out of camera range.

“No, Daddy! Dat’s silly! Guess again.”

“Okay… You and Mommy rowed the canoe all the way to Canada?”

“No! I’m too little for dat.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhmm.” Her patience was wearing out quickly, and she’d started to bounce in her seat.

“Okay, then I don’t know. What?”

“I have two Mommies!” Ginny threw her arms out in a grand reveal gesture.

“Uh…” Steve’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. He certainly had no problem with that, but he thought Shelby would have mentioned something about a relationship before it got to this point. He never really got that vibe from her. Not that he would know what vibe to—

“My Aunty JJ looks zakly like Mommy ‘cause dey were born on de same day.”

“Oh?” His brain stuttered through processing that. “Oh! Really? Um, that’s exciting. When did you meet her?” He breathed out in relief at not needing to navigate a conversation about romantic relationships with his four-year-old daughter without any warning from Shelby.

“Yesterday. Aunty Jess laughed at me when I didn’t know why she looked like my mommy.” The little girl huffed and crossed her arms. “It wasn’t nice.”

“No, sweetheart, you’re right. It’s not nice to laugh at someone like that.”

“But she said sorry. And we took pictures! Me and Mommy and Aunty Jess and Aunty JJ and Uncle Will and—”

“Who’s Uncle Will?” He was struggling to keep up with her energetic report.

“He came wif Aunty JJ. He talks funny ‘cause he’s from Nollins. And I have a cousin named Henry, but he didn’t come see me. I sawed him on de computer wif Grandma Sandy. He’s really little.”

“That’s great! Ginny, where’s your mommy?” This family was multiplying by the second.

A laughing Shelby stepped into frame. “I’m here, Steve. It was too cute to interrupt. She wanted to tell you herself. Ginny, go get your pictures to show Daddy.”

“Okay!” She hopped down out of sight.

“So, surprise! I’m a twin!” Shelby waved some jazz hands by her face in a much smaller version of her daughter’s gesture as she moved to the vacated chair.

“And you didn’t know this?” He was rather confused as to how someone could just find out they were a twin at 29.

“Nope, found out Friday. Long story for another time, but we met her this weekend. Jess brought her to Horizon on Saturday, and we all sat around sharing stories. Ginny stayed with Gracie on Saturday, but came back Sunday, and we had lots of fun together before they had to leave this morning. Isn’t that right, baby?”

“Yep! I showed dem all my fav’rite fings to do.” Ginny shouted from off-camera.

“Wow! That’s a big weekend!”

“Mmhmm!” Shelby had her happy voice on for their daughter’s sake, but he could see the stress on her face.

“You okay?” He spoke quietly to Shelby.

“Mmhmm.” Her smile had gone hard, forced, and her eyes brightened with tears.

“Shel?”

She waved away the concern. “I’ll keep talking it through with Peter and Sophie. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I’m here, Shel. I’m available for the next few days. You want to email me the long story and then we can talk about it? It might be easier to write it out than to say it. Might help work through it, even.”

“Okay…” She nodded. “I’ll do that. Thanks.”

“You sure you’re all right?” He knew that Shelby hated being dependent on others, but to see her so distressed was making him nervous. If she didn’t follow through on the email, he’d send one of his own to Peter.

“Yeah. I’m mostly happy about it, I swear. She’s really great. It’s just been a roller coaster of a weekend. So… come here and show Daddy your pictures, baby.”

Ginny popped back into view as she was lifted onto her mom’s knees. She shuffled through her stack of photos and began to hold them up.

“Dis is me and everybody. And dis is mommy and Aunty JJ. And dis is—”

“Wait, munchkin, hold that one up again. Hold it steady.” He twisted his head sideways to match the angle of the photo she held.

Shelby laughed at him. “I’ll email them to you, Steve. Don’t hurt yourself.”

Ginny was holding it almost upside down, and the quality of the computer paper printout was a little fuzzy, but he could make out the two very similar faces.

“Whoa, you really are a twin.”

“Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading these stories chronologically, continue in Chapter 7 here before switching back to Chapter 13 of Family Found.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think.


	7. Tuesday/Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already guessed the third crossover, I'm officially naming it now. I present you with a slightly more well-adjusted pre-series Steve McGarrett. I've been having fun exploring creative writing and puzzling together all these worlds, and as a result, this story has evolved into a whole crossover universe anchored by Higher Ground, spanning decades in my head and notes. Not sure when or if it will all get written, but I have multiple works outlined. My one-shot (for now) 'McGarrett Goes to Washington... State' is now officially backstory for the Family Found series. I'll link it to the series later, when it won't confuse the order. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it all. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

Steve never knew if Ginny would be there when he called, so each time he donned a different wild-eyed, ridiculous grin as the video call rang. This time, when it finally connected, only Shelby was laughing at his face.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Hi, Shel. How’d it go today?” He’d received her emailed account of the weekend on Wednesday morning and pushed for computer time as soon as possible. The time difference meant it was still Tuesday evening for the girls, and Ginny was probably in bed now.

“Pretty good. Tracked a kid through the woods, but we found her quickly and got her back in one piece.”

“Ours?” His heart clenched at the thought of his little girl lost in the woods.

“No, a big kid. She objected to the insult of being left on a mountain with no shopping mall. Was determined to get back to civilization. Not the typical runner.”

“No,” he chuckled, relieved. “Glad it worked out, though. So, I got your email. Your friendly Navy shoulder is properly informed and ready to support.”

“Steve, are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want to pile my issues on you when you’re in the middle of a deployment. You’ve got more important things to worry about. I should just tell you funny Horizon stories.”

His eyes rolled before he focused straight into the camera as he said, “Yes, I want to do this. Come on, Shel. You’re important to me. What’s eating at you the most? It was a pretty intense story.”

He watched her wage an internal battle for a moment before she sighed and threw up her hands.

“I don’t know. Maybe the anger that my wonderful mother ripped me away from half my family, from my twin sister, and never bothered to mention it. Never planned to either. If JJ hadn’t happened to interview a guy across the street from Jess’s house, we might never have met.”

She paused to run her hands over her head, gripping her hair. “And I’m definitely fighting some jealousy over her more ideal family situation. I know it’s stupid, but it’s there. …And I’m feeling abandoned again. Lonely. A little lost.”

“Aw, Shel.” His heart broke at the childlike tone in her voice as she finished. “First of all, you are not alone. Never alone. Peter and Sophie and Ginny are right there with you, and Jess and I are only a call away. Why are you feeling abandoned?”

“It was so fast. I found out Friday, she was here Saturday, and she was gone Monday. You know me, I’m pretty guarded—"

He scoffed, “Like a snapping turtle.”

“—but I let her in. Way faster than I’d normally let someone in. I got attached. And she left.”

“Shel, she has a baby and a job on the other side of the country.”

He’d spoken carefully, but she bristled.

“I know that. I’m not saying I’m being rational right now. You asked what I felt.”

“I did. Sorry.” He waved a hand magnanimously towards the screen. “Please continue the irrational venting.”

His comment didn’t earn him the expected smile or stuck-out tongue.

“She left me to go back to her perfect life 3,000 miles away. With her supportive mother and brother. And her loving partner.”

“Babe…” He searched for the words to address that particular jab to the heart, but luckily, she barreled on.

“Yeah, I know. But it was Valentine’s weekend. I had been grumpy about it anyways the week before, and then I forgot all about it until Monday. Magnified the loneliness. It’s just one more rock in my shoe.”

He jumped on an opportunity for distraction. “That reminds me, I’m not sure when it will arrive, but I did send you and Ginny a box recently.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep an eye on the mail.”

He waited a moment, but the ensuing awkward pause told him she was dwelling. Sighing, he waded in.

“I understand the loneliness, Shel. I’m right there with you.”

“At least you have a Catherine. I need a Catherine.”

He barked a laugh as he recalled Ginny’s announcement on Monday. “You and your daughter with the surprisingly intriguing, if unintentional, visuals.” Then, he sobered. “You could have a Catherine.”

“In a boarding school, where everyone is in each other’s business all the time. In a tiny mountain town, where the average age is 60? Or in the city I get to maybe twice a year, almost never by myself? Where am I going to find a Catherine in all that?”

He squirmed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, Shel. Can we please stop using Catherine as a noun?”

“My apologies. Where am I going to find a long-term friend-with-benefits when I have primary custody of my four-year-old daughter and a pretty much 24/7 job? I don’t even want that, really. I’m currently jonesing for romance. Having JJ and Will here was like watching what my life could be. Literally, watching a version of myself in a life I want. They were so sweet together.”

She was killing him. Four years ago, he’d tried as hard as he could to make her happy. But they could never work it out. It was easier to focus on Ginny.

“I wish I could be what you need.”

“No, you don’t.” Her words held so much compassion and understanding. “We both agreed. I couldn’t deal with the distance and secrecy, and you couldn’t make any compromises. As a couple, we didn’t fit. As friends who co-parent, we’re pretty great.”

He looked directly into the camera again. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah. I love you, too.”

They fell into silence for a minute, each pondering the paths their lives had taken and appreciating the solid friendship they’d built along the way.

“So.” He cleared his throat and continued, “I think we’ve covered items number two and three on your list. Want to tackle number one?”

“You taking notes over there?”

“Maybe.” He wouldn’t let her distract him away from the subject, and waited patiently for her answer.

“There’s not much to say. That relationship died a long time. We can’t go back and fix the split family issue, can’t bring our father and sister back from the dead so we can get to know them. We can only move forward and get to know my twin and her families. So, there’s no point in dwelling on my hatred and disappointment. Alice doesn’t care about me, why should I care about her?”

“I’m going to let that go because I know that you already know you’re lying. You, Shelby Merrick, have one of the biggest, kindest, sweetest hearts I’ve ever encountered, hidden away behind a tangle of thorny vines, an alligator-infested moat, a five-story tower with three-foot thick walls, and military-grade body armor.”

“Your fairy tale references took an odd turn there.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“You still care about Alice, but you’ve been hurt too many times and you don’t want to. I’m not saying you should forgive her and be best friends, I just think you shouldn’t let that hatred and disappointment control or poison your life. Less than a week out from such a foundation-rattling surprise, you’re entitled to feel whatever you feel. Just know when to stomp them and move on.”

“I thought I was the one with the Psych degree. Is this some of that Naval Intelligence I keep hearing about?”

“Shel.” He was too used to her deflective shields to take the bait.

“I hear what you’re saying.”

“Good.” He debated a moment before saying, “I have something for you to consider. This is not a decision to be made in a hurry, I just want to float the idea.”

“Go ahead.” She was eyeing him warily now.

“You may have already thought of this, but what if you and Ginny were to move to Virginia to be closer to your sister?”

He paused a moment, but she gave no response.

“You’re stressing over her leaving you and being on the other side of the country. What if you weren’t? You could live near JJ and be in touch a lot more often. In person. I know it means leaving Jess and Peter and Sophie behind, but those are relationships you’re more sure of. You’ll never doubt those connections, and you’ll work hard to keep them up. They won’t let you drift away anyways. They were a major help with Ginny when I couldn’t be there, but she’ll be starting school soon, and Horizon isn’t the easiest place to be for that.”

He paused again, but when the silence continued, he tried one last time.

“And on a purely selfish note, I can travel within 250 miles for long weekends around a lot of holidays if I’m on base. And the D.C. metro area is in that range. JJ works out of Quantico, right? I’m three hours from there. I might be able to see Ginny more often.”

Her face remained frozen in a blank stare, and she still gave no response. He started to wonder if they’d lost the connection.

“Shelby? You still there?”

She finally shifted on-screen. “Yeah, I’m here. Just processing… It’s not a terrible idea. Scary as hell, but…”

“Why scary?”

“Leaving family. Leaving my kids. Leaving Horizon. It’s been my safety net, my sanctuary. Being on my own with Ginny. But you’re right about school, it’s been a worry lately. I’m not sure I’m ready to make such a huge leap of faith after one weekend’s acquaintance, but maybe some baby steps? A visit or two. I’ll think about it, Steve. Promise.”

“Good. This shouldn’t be a quick decision anyways. Keep talking with your sister, get to know her. See what feels right. Just remember that the abandonment issue is all in your head. No one’s left anyone behind.”

“Any idea when you’ll be stateside again? I owe you a ten-minute hug.”

He smiled brightly. “Ooh, nice! I’ll be sure to collect. Maybe May? I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”

“Okay. Thanks for this, Steve. I feel a little calmer. I think you being an outside point of view helped.”

“Anytime, Shel. You know that.”

“I do. All right, we’re done with me now. How are you? Anything I can help with?”

“I’m good. Got to do some jump training recently. You know I love being in the air.”

“Yes, the pleasure that falling from insane heights brings you is baffling.”

“Sophie agrees with me.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll keep my feet on the ground, thanks. The ropes course is high enough for me.”

“How’s my baby doing with her training?”

“Too well. Quit encouraging that. She’s only four, and she’s jumping off the net wall. About stopped my heart the first time.”

“That’s my girl!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading these stories concurrently, continue with JJ's week in chapter 13 of Family Found.


	8. Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading these stories concurrently, this follows Chapter 13 of Family Found.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground or Criminal Minds.

Jess marched up the porch steps of the small two-bedroom house her mother rented. Long gone were the days of flat-out fear of her mother’s home. They’d been left behind in California. But even in a new location, the instinctive desire to turn around and leave remained. Shelby would have listened. Jess had decided, when she and her mother settled in the same city, that she would always make the effort. What happened back then was awful, but her mother had apologized and helped in the end. She didn’t deserve to be left on her own.

Knocking on the door, she stepped back to scan the porch. The ferns along the far railing were new. The place looked a little run down, but pretty good overall. In California, their yard had been full of random stuff, all mismatched and abandoned, overwhelmed by uncut grass. Here, Alice kept everything simple and fairly neat.

Jess turned back as the door opened to reveal a partially-curled, bath-robed Alice.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, baby. Come in out of the rain.” Alice moved aside. “I’m just getting ready for work. What’s up?”

Relieved that her mother didn’t seem to be angry at her for yelling during their last phone call, Jess walked into the house quickly, drying her boots and dropping her folded umbrella into the stand.

“You still have those boxes of Shelby’s and my stuff from when we were kids, right? Can I see them? I’m looking for an old picture I thought I had at my place. I can’t find it anywhere.”

“Sure, they’re in the bedroom closet, top shelf. Go ahead.” With that, Alice headed back into the kitchen, leaving Jess to her search.

A few minutes later, Jess joined her, carrying two large plastic tubs.

“Coffee?” Alice offered.

“Sure, thanks.” She set the tubs on the floor next to the table, removed the first lid and began to dig through, shuffling past kindergarten art class projects, elementary school class photos, and old report cards, all carefully stacked and organized.

“Which one are you looking for? Maybe I know where it is.” Alice set two steaming mugs near the center of the table and sat down at the other end of the tubs.

“That one of Shelby and me in our ballet recital costumes with the huge tutus and over-the-top makeup. Which year was that? 1985?”

Alice sat back and sipped her coffee. “Think it was ’86. We were in Sacramento that year.”

Jess popped back up, photo forgotten. “Sacramento? Did I know that? I only remember Eureka and Red Bluff. When you said we moved to Washington after Pennsylvania, I assumed we moved to Eureka after that. There were more places?”

“Yes, we moved to Sacramento when you were three.”

“From where?”

“L.A.”

“We lived in Los Angeles?”

“Mmm. Briefly.” Alice sounded bitter as she got up and went to grab a pack of cigarettes from the kitchen windowsill. “Spent a year in Vegas before that.” She lit up, cracked the window, and leaned against the counter with her arms crossed.

“That’s so cool! Sucks I don’t remember any of that. Why’d we move so often?”

Alice blew smoke at the open window. “A series of bad choices and silly dreams.” She ground out the words through a locked jaw.

“So, wait, if I was three in Sacramento and that was after L.A. and Vegas, how long did we stay in Washington?”

“A year. I need to finish getting ready. Find your picture.”

Alice dropped her cigarette in an ashtray and went back to her bedroom, leaving Jess floundering as she worked out her childhood timeline and absorbed Alice’s abrupt shift in temper.

Twenty minutes later, Alice returned, ready for a long day at the diner, but no less perturbed.

“Here it is!” Jess pointed to one of the photos spread across the table as she leafed through an old middle school yearbook. “Just as embarrassing as I remembered. We got to talking about our favorite activities growing up, and a lot of them were similar, but I guess JJ was more of a team sports girl the whole time. Never did dance. I wanted to show her our illustrious career.” She burst out in giggles. “Ginny made Peter and Will dance with her at Rusty’s—Will is JJ’s partner—and she was very disappointed in their skills. She made JJ promise to help him improve before they come back. It was so cute!”

When Jess looked up from the yearbook, she saw that Alice was standing tensely on the other side of the table, frowning. Glaring daggers, really. Determined to follow through on her self-appointed mission as the family go-between, Jess held onto her smile and dove in head-first.

“I wanted to ask, why did you guys decide to split us up like that?”

“I don’t have time to get into that today, Jess. Finish your coffee.” Alice rinsed her own mug in the sink and picked up the pack of cigarettes again.

Well, Jess hadn’t expected it to be easy. “Fine. Another time. I’ve got a lot of questions.” She shrugged off the delay and switched topics. “She’s so great, Mom. You’ll love her. She works for—"

“No. Stop. I don’t want to hear about her. I let go of my old life a long time ago.”

Jess gaped at her in disbelief of such a cold and unfeeling attitude.

“Your old life? She’s your daughter! JJ will want to m—”

“I said no. I answered your questions. Now, I’m done talking about it.” She snatched away Jess’s mug and took it to the sink. “And I don’t want to see her. What you do is your own business.”

Incredulity turned to fury as Jess rummaged through her bag. “You don’t want to know JJ? Fine. Here’s a picture of your grandson.”

She slammed a photocopied portrait of JJ’s family down on the counter next to Alice, who flinched but just took another drag from her cigarette, looking away.

Jess scooped memories back into the tubs and snapped their lids on. “And by the way—since you didn’t ask—Hank, our father, died in 1989. And Rosalyn? The other sister you never told us about? She killed herself in high school. Just thought you might like to know.” She picked up the boxes and headed for the door without looking back. “I’m taking these. Let me know if there’s something from _our_ past you’d like to hold onto.”

As she was driving away, Jess noted that the front door still hung open. A sliver of guilt worked its way into her raging heart, releasing a flood of tears. When her vision started to blur, she pulled to the side of the road and let loose with screams, cries, and steering wheel punches until she had calmed enough to drive again.

Once she was back in her house, she dialed Shelby’s cell phone. It immediately went to voicemail, so she called the main office number next. She had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself before the secretary picked up.

“Angie? It’s Jess Merrick. I need Shelby. Do you know where she is now?” The snap in her voice made her cringe, but she would apologize later.

“One sec, hon. Let me find out.”

There was a small thud, the clacking of a keyboard, and a murmur of voices as Jess waited, pacing her kitchen. Soon another rattle sounded as the phone was picked up.

“Hey, kid. Shel’s supervising a test right now. What’s up?”

At the sound of Peter’s voice, Jess’s floodgates opened again.

“Peter!” she sobbed. “I need Shelby.” The anger and sorrow built back up inside her, twisting into a knot of pain.

“Hey, hey, hold on. Are you hurt?”

She could hear him quietly send Angie to fetch her sister as the words just spilled out of her.

“She’s horrible! She has no soul! Shelby always said it, but I tried. I really wanted to make it work.”

“Who, Jess? What’s going on?

“I’m n-never speaking to her ag-gain!”

Her throat closed with hiccupping gasps, and she couldn’t give any more answers to Peter, no matter how he tried to calm her. Placing her forehead against the upper cabinet door, she gripped the edge of the kitchen counter to steady herself. At last, she heard Peter’s muffled explanation to Shelby, and the phone was handed over.

“Jess? I’m here. Deep breaths, honey. Tell me what’s wrong.”

It took a couple tries, but eventually Jess slowed her sobs. “I-I-I’m s-sorry! I b-believed you, b-but I didn’t w-want to l-lose her. I-I tried so hard t-to make it okay. She has no soul! Y-you always said that, b-but I had to try.” Now that she was able to get the words out, her breathing began to ease and her feet started to move again, taking her on laps of the first floor.

“Alice? Did you call Alice? What happened?”

“I-I went over there. I wanted to f-find that picture of us in those awful ballet outfits, to show JJ. I thought I had it at my house, but I d-didn’t, so I went to ask Mo—to ask Alice. And I figured I’d tell her about meeting JJ, ask s-some more questions. Find out when we could set up something with her and JJ.”

“Oh, Jess.”

“She said no. End of. She wants nothing to do with JJ. Wouldn’t even let me talk about her. She didn’t used to be that cold, I swear. She loved us. I d-don’t understand, Shel!”

“Jess… she’s always… well, she was always like that with me, but she was better with you. My best guess now is that you didn’t remind her of what she left behind, like I did. Who knows? But she’s been worse since him. She’s never forgiven me for calling the cops.”

“I got so mad, Shel. I threw the picture of JJ’s family at her and told her about Hank and Roz. I was really harsh. Too harsh. And then I walked out with our boxes.”

“And you feel bad about it because, unlike her, you have a heart. Don’t worry, Jess, it’ll be okay.”

“But what if we don’t talk anymore? What if I ruined everything?”

“Jess, the woman disowned half her family, had no qualms in denying your right to know more, and you’re still worried about hurting her feelings. You are too good for her. Listen, I don’t talk to her, and I’m doing just fine. We have Peter and Sophie. We’ve got JJ now, and JJ’s mom seemed pretty nice… before I ran out on her.”

“She was nice,” Jess confirmed, mostly to herself.

“I’d say those are the relationships worth worrying about. Sandy seemed totally open to getting to know us, welcoming us into their side of the family. You could just let Alice go for a while, take some time to get used to our new family members, see where that takes you. If Alice is just reacting badly to this whole blast-from-the-past situation, maybe she’ll chill after a while and want to be a part of the family again. You can decide what to do about her then. But there is nothing wrong with stepping away from her for now. This is on her, not you.”

“But what about JJ?”

Shelby sighed. There was a long pause and some distant murmuring before she said, “Hey, Peter’s got some parents coming in soon. Let me call you back on my cell, so I can get out of the way. All right?”

“Okay, thanks. Sorry to mess up your day.” Jess ran a hand through her hair, feeling uncomfortable.

“Shut up. It’s no problem. Back in a minute.”

The call disconnected, and Jess sank onto her couch. Then, she changed her mind and went back to the kitchen to make a sandwich, but grabbed the leftovers from last night’s takeout instead when she opened the fridge. She ran to clean herself up in the bathroom while the food heated in the microwave and was just heading back to the couch, food and fork in hand, when Shelby called.

“Sorry that took so long. Realized my cell was back at the cabin.”

“Didn’t notice. I was reheating Chinese.”

“Ooh, that sounds good. I haven’t had decent Chinese in years. Think I’ll join you for lunch, though. Let’s see…”

Jess heard her rifling through her freezer.

“Ah! Mushroom risotto. Perfect.” A soundtrack of beeps, sliding drawers, slamming doors followed. “Okay. While that heats, back to your question. What about JJ?”

“She’s got questions. I put it out there that she could meet M—Alice, and I know she said no, but she definitely wanted to. You could see that, right? She was just being nice ‘cause we were being so cryptic.”

“Yeah, Sophie said she brought it up later, with Sandy.”

“Well, how can we tell her that Alice refused to know anything about her? She’s gonna ask eventually.”

Another long pause ended with a heavy sigh.

“Think it’s my turn to lead a difficult reveal conversation. If anyone can talk her out of wanting to meet Alice, it’s me. I could lump it in with an explanation of everything else. When it comes up.”

Jess nearly dropped her fork. “You’re ready to tell her about that?”

“No. Not really, but maybe by the time it comes up, I will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switch back to Chapter 14 of Family Found to continue chronologically.


	9. Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows Chapter 16 of Family Found.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

JJ 7:12 p.m. – _im do hppy ur my isster!!! i mossd hvinh a isstr! palu is grr8 but hes not a soster hees mt borthee . jessis a good sitser 2 .. shrs sweet sa sguar. wnat 2 meet pual 2mro??? Hess cooll_

Shelby paused her trek across campus to stare in confusion as she deciphered the text from JJ, then burst out laughing, startling some birds from a nearby tree. She immediately forwarded the message to Jess. She didn’t want to answer JJ about meeting Paul without checking, but it was sometimes hard to catch Jess while she was at the hospital.

The Storm Singers had pulled kitchen duty again tonight, so Shelby was just now heading out to pick up Ginny. This flexible babysitting arrangement with Gracie was truly a lifesaver. She’d been stressing lately about what she’d do when the girl left for Seattle in the fall. She’d earned an extra year’s reprieve when the ever-practical Gracie decided to defer college to earn more money for tuition, but her time was running out.

Steve’s suggestion had been at the front of her mind since they talked. For days, she’d been analyzing everything. Could it be done? How could it be done? What would the impact be on her group? On Ginny? On Jess?

Her phone buzzed again as she climbed in the car.

Jess 7:19 p.m. – _Hahahahaha!!!!! Looks like someone’s having a good night :D_

Shelby 7:19 p.m. – _Got time to talk?_

Jess 7:20 p.m. – _Break at 8. I vote yes for meeting borthee pual if you want to answer her sooner lol_

Shelby 7:20 p.m. – _K, call when you’re free. Picking up Ginny now._

She tossed her phone in the cup-holder and drove the short trip to the sheriff’s house.

Gracie had moved into the apartment above Rusty O’Brien’s Seafood Bar & Grill, her mom’s restaurant, after graduation last year. When they weren’t at Shelby’s cabin, that’s usually where Gracie and Ginny hung out during the day, but if Shelby’s days ran long, Gracie would take Ginny to her family’s home for dinner.

The Swanns made up another branch of the tight Horizon family that Jess had promised not to throw at JJ all at once. Through the years, Peter and Sophie had enjoyed every minute of playing Uncle and Aunt to Curtis and Annie Yao Swann’s kids, so when Shelby had run into issues dealing with baby Ginny and called them for advice, they’d urged her to return to town and were quick to adopt the girls as their own family. Sophie, especially, was delighted to have one of her favorite Cliffhangers back home, with the bonus of a baby girl to spoil.

After a single visit to meet the new baby, Annie and Curtis had offered Shelby the Rusty’s apartment practically rent-free, along with a very flexible job in the restaurant and loads of parenting advice and play dates. Gracie, then fourteen, had remembered Shelby as her mountainside rescuer and jumped at the chance for girl time, offering her vast experience as a babysitter in exchange for time away from her little brothers. Her theory was that baby Ginny couldn’t run yet so she was a much better option than the tiny terrors, even if she cried a lot. Shelby was eternally grateful to the Swanns, for helping her get through the last four years and did her best to repay their kindness by inviting the family over to play at Horizon whenever she could.

She sat in their driveway for a minute, contemplating how to respond to JJ, eventually deciding to just keep it simple. She’d save the teasing for tomorrow.

7:27 p.m. _\- I’m happy you’re my sister too. <3 We’d love to meet Paul tomorrow. Looks like you’re having fun :) _

When she knocked on the front door, what sounded like a small herd of elephants raced to answer it. She waved at the small faces that peeked around the window curtain before the door was pulled open.

“Mommy!” “Aunt Shelby!”

“Sorry I’m late! It was my turn to scrub the big pot.” She scooped up her daughter and ruffled Caleb’s hair as she entered.

The Swann boys—currently seven, six, and three—were like a scurry of squirrels with energy for days, and they embraced Ginny as one of their own. Since little Drew was just a few months younger than Ginny, the older boys almost considered them twins. Ginny did not, of course, and held those three months over his head regularly.

“Where are your keepers?”

“Kitchen. Mom just got home,” Ty, the eldest, replied as he led the charge back upstairs. “Let’s go!”

“Wait for me!” Ginny wriggled down and followed.

Shelby chuckled as she walked into the kitchen. “I came to thin the herd, but they escaped!”

“Hey, Shel!" Annie waved with her fork. "Want some pie? I swiped one.” 

“Is that what you fed them?”

“Nah, this is secret pie. Only for grown-ups.”

“The perfect kind. Sure, thanks!” Comfortable in their home, she retrieved her own plate and fork and cut a piece. “Mmmmm. So good.” She slid into a chair next to Gracie. “My kid behave today?”

“She was an angel all day.” At the sheriff’s snort and Shelby’s raised eyebrow, she rolled her eyes. “She was! She can’t be held responsible for the bad influence of the demon horde.”

“Oh, come on, Gracie.” Curtis turned guiltily to Shelby. “There may have been a small Nerf battle before dinner. It was every man for himself.”

“It was not! They ganged up on me! They’re so darn quick, I couldn’t get a good shot off. And she joined them, so it was four against one. You were no help at all, Dad.”

“I was cooking! I ended the battle, didn’t I? Complete ceasefire.”

“Only because you rang the dinner bell and the horde was ravenous.”

“Did the house survive?” Annie asked as she scraped chocolate off her plate.

“No casualties.” He puffed up his chest.

“Excellent.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Gracie, my apologies. I’ll take the tiny traitor off your hands now.” Shelby went to the sink to wash her dishes. “We’ll brush up on _The Art of War_ at bedtime.”

Curtis sniggered.

“She better!”

“Thanks for keeping her longer today, Gracie. You’re the best. If the warm weather holds, I can take the horde for an obstacle course day again soon. Or a hike. Let me know what works for you guys.”

“Sure thing.”

Shelby went back to the bottom of the stairs and called up, “Come on, Ginny. We’ve gotta go. Aunty Jess is calling soon, and she’ll want to say hi to you.”

After a moment, the elephants stampeded.

“ **Walk** down the stairs! I can’t catch you all.”

“Sorry, Aunt Shelby,” They chorused and did, in fact, slow down.

Shelby was astonished and decided to push her luck. When they reached the bottom, she put her hands on her hips and said, “I think you should all go hug Gracie and say you’re sorry. It’s not nice to gang up on her like that.”

Ginny and Drew raced off to the kitchen as instructed, but Ty and Caleb just smirked and ran back up the stairs.

“Well, two out of four ain’t bad,” she said to the empty hall. After a minute, she called again, “Let’s go, Ginny Rabbit!”

*****

Shelby had just finished getting Ginny into her pajamas after an impressively efficient bath when Jess called back.

“Hey, Jess. We’re just getting tucked in. Ginny, Aunty Jess called to say goodnight!”

Jess knew that cue. “Hi, sweetie. Are you all cozy and ready for bed?”

“Yep. I’m ready for my story.”

“Can I tell you one this time? It won’t have pictures, but it’s pretty good.”

“Okay!” Despite her enthusiasm, the little girl’s eyes were drooping already.

Jess recited one of the stories she loved to read to the kids in the hospital, finishing with, “Sweet dreams, Ginny.”

Shelby kissed her daughter’s forehead and quietly exited the room. Once she pulled the door to block most of the light, she said, “Yeah, she conked out before the end. Apparently, she helped win a Nerf ambush against Gracie today.” She moved back to the bathroom and began tidying up the remains of bath-time.

“Poor Gracie.” Jess chuckled. “So, did you answer our tipsy isstr?”

“Said we’d love to meet him. I made no comment on tipsiness. Figured we could have fun with that tomorrow.”

“Oh, absolutely we will! Are you feeling good about meeting Paul?”

“Yeah, I am. She hasn’t said anything bad about anybody on her side of the family, so I’m actually kind of excited. How about you?”

“It’s so surreal. He’s her brother, technically a step-brother, but I’m already kind of thinking of him as mine. You were great and all, but I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother. Now we’ve got one. I hope he likes us.”

“I know what you mean. You doing all right since Thursday?”

“Yeah. Still pissed, but I’m coming around to what you said. If she feels that way, I’ll just enjoy this time getting to know my new family, and I’ll try again down the road. No point in pushing her.”

Try again. Shelby ached for the prolonged pain Jess would feel, but loved her all the more for her perseverance.

“You have the biggest heart, Jess.”

“I can’t give up yet. I can step away, like you said, but I can’t abandon her. Not yet.”

“I know, I just don’t want you to let her hurt you anymore.”

“I know.”

The silence stretched on.

Jess jumped back in first. “You decide anything more about what you are going to tell JJ?

“No… I’m planning to meet Paul and catch up with JJ. We’ll see where that leads… everything. I still don’t want to talk about it.”

“Of course, you don’t. That’s never an easy conversation. Even when you are comfortable with the person. And JJ’s our sister, but she’s still new. Sort of unknown.”

“Yeah. So… we’ll see.” Shelby walked over to the little shelf by her TV and looked for a movie to watch before bed. Something light. “I wanted to tell you… I’m thinking about taking Ginny over to the East Coast for a visit. I don’t have any idea when. Sometime in the next couple months, maybe? I’m still just thinking about it. Wanna come?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

“Great.” Shelby let out a relieved breath. “You have the toughest schedule. Why don’t you put out some feelers for when it would be easiest for you, and then I can talk to Peter about arranging time away.”

“We’ll have to check with JJ, too. Make sure it’s a good time for her. Maybe we could stay for a longer stretch of time, to cover if she gets cases and has to come and go. We could travel or sightsee while she’s busy.”

“True. Good idea.”

“Hey, I better get back to work. Want to meet on Skype a little early tomorrow, just the two of us?”

“Sure, that’d be good. 11:30?”

“Okay. See you tomorrow. Goodnight!”

“Night, Jess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find out what happens next in Chapter 17 of Family Found.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Sunday Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows Chapter 18 of Family Found.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - I did a blanket warning at the beginning of this work, but here’s a fresh reminder that we will be dealing with the issues of mental trauma related to past abuse and a loved one’s suicide, especially in the next couple chapters. I went more into Roz’s backstory than I’d expected to, so I have now updated the rating to M to be safe.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

“What is wrong with this family? It’s like we’re cursed, I swear!”

Jess hugged her knees to her chest and leaned into Peter as she watched Shelby rant and pace across the cabin.

“Last weekend, it sounded like JJ made it out of our childhood unscathed. I mean, yes, she lost a lot of family, but it seemed like grief was her only big issue, and she had Sandy and Paul to help her through it.”

She considered that maybe this push to let JJ talk about Roz tonight had been a bad idea. They weren’t ready for this yet. It was too much, too fast. They’d barely even made it an hour, and Shelby had already had to step away twice.

Peter and Sophie shared a look over her head, and then Sophie rose to step into Shelby’s path.

“She did. I’m sorry, Shelby, but if you assumed last weekend was the worst of it, that was self-distraction and wishful thinking. Remember, she couldn’t even get the words out about Roz’s death. She didn’t go into any detail. And neither did you about your past, honey. She may have learned a lot more about Roz yesterday, but that was only the tiniest tip of the iceberg last weekend. She still hid most of herself, most of her trauma behind a wall. The woman chases serial killers for a living, Shelby. There’s more behind that wall. Now that you’re getting more comfortable with each other, she’s opening up, letting you see her dents and scars. Or Roz’s scars. And you’re starting to feel ready to do the same. It’s terrifying, right?”

Jess tried to appeal to her sister’s counselor training. “I’m actually finding it oddly comforting. I mean, I’m sad and stressed, but I’m seeing so many parallels between our lives. She can relate to us, even more than I thought. Absent and abusive parental figures. Check. Older sibling protecting younger sibling at their own cost. Check.”

Shelby’s face crumpled in anguish. “Yeah, but Roz did protect JJ. I failed you.”

“HEY.” She jumped up from the couch, immediately enraged. “Excuse me? You failed nothing. We’ve talked about this. We settled this a long time ago. You protected me for years! It could have been so much worse, and you took that all upon yourself to keep me safe. You went through hell just so I wouldn’t have to. Even when he pushed you so far that the only way you could survive was by running away, you only did it because he promised you, I would be safe. You protected me. When you ended up here, you kept silent for so long because if you told anyone, I’d be in danger. You protected me. Alice dragged you home and forced you to care for his invalid ass after the heart attack so that I could go to school. You did it. You protected me. You called the cops and had him taken away, fought Alice to make it happen. You protected me. When I ran away and found my way here, you convinced Peter to help me. You protected me. Not ONCE did you fail me. You got that?”

“Yeah, Jess.” Shelby stepped forward to give her a fierce hug. “I feel like I’m sixteen all over again. All the therapy and degrees gone. My brain’s reverting back to scared teenager.”

“That’s understandable.” Sophie rubbed their backs. “Just recognize that, and remind yourself how far you’ve come. How you have the tools now to deal with all of this.”

Rage was still boiling in Jess’s veins. She suddenly pushed away and continued. “You do! You can deal. You did deal. Don’t you dare forget that. That’s where Roz failed. She checked out. She left her little sister. Left all her little sisters. Because she knew about us. She knew, and she did it anyway. She could have looked for us. Maybe not back then, but as an adult. I know we moved a lot, but if she’d just held on… I mean there’s the internet and social media now. We probably would have been easy to find if she just looked. If she just… Why did she—"

Sobs overtook her as rage turned to despair. She clung to Shelby when she pulled her back into a hug, and felt Peter and Sophie wrap arms around them both, after a moment.

Once tempers and tears calmed, the four of them decided to raid Shelby’s pantry for snacks, which quickly turned into a raid of the cafeteria’s pantry because hers was sadly lacking. Peter and Sophie were sent on the mission so they could also make an appearance and check on the school. Shelby took the opportunity to bandage her battered knuckles.

Noticing that they’d gone a little over their half hour break, Jess sent a brief message across Skype so JJ wouldn’t worry.

_\- Grabbing some food, back soon!_

JJ sent a thumbs-up back.

When Sophie returned with salads from the cafeteria, she was met with disdain.

“Really? That’s not snacks.” Jess made a face.

“You’ll thank me later. And Peter’s putting the ice cream in the freezer.”

“Fine. Ooh, bacon!”

“Mmhmm. I know you. Okay, are we ready to get back to this?”

“Yes,” Shelby said as she walked back in. “Um, that’s not snacks.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Shut up and eat your dinner.”

The girls grinned devilishly and chorused, “Yes, Mom.”

Sophie threw forks at them.

“I know we established that you’re currently regressing to your teen years, but come on. We’re not that old!” Peter whined as he set four water glasses on the table and sat down. Once everyone had begun eating, he said, “All right. Let’s acknowledge once again that there will be hard stuff ahead and that we are not actually emotionally-stunted teenagers, but well-adjusted, psychology-trained adults capable of working through anything life puts in our path.”

“Agreed. Call her back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continue with Chapter 19 of Family Found, if you're reading chronologically.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. Sunday Call - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows Chapter 19 of Family Found.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING still in effect
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

“Holy crap, that came out of nowhere! I was doing fine, and then all of a sudden, I wasn’t.”

Shelby’s heart was still racing. They had brought her around enough to help her walk to the bedroom, and she now lay curled on her side on the bed, clutching the comforter to her chin. Memories were still flashing at the edges of her consciousness, but she was able to shove them aside and focus on the conversation.

“Did we hang up on them again?”

“No, they’re still on there.” Jess answered from her perch against the door frame.

“Oh. So, they saw…”

Peter sat at the end of the bed. “You girls both panicked at the same time. Sophie and I were trying to calm you down, we didn’t take the time to disconnect.”

“Once I pulled myself back together, and you were starting to surface, I muted it and stood in front of the camera so Sophie and Peter could get you out of there.”

“Did I say anything?”

Sophie slid down to sit against the opposite wall. “No, just some whimpers and cries. You were mostly frozen. What was going on in there?”

She thought it through for a minute, trying to pull the events back into focus. They were almost like echoes in her brain, overlaid, faded, and warped. “I think it started as panic when they mentioned sex. Then, it morphed into a bit of a flashback. It came on so fast I couldn’t avoid it. Hasn’t happened like that in years.”

“What do you want to do? Call it a night? Ignore it and keep going? Talk about it?” Peter gave a friendly jab to the blanket lump that was her feet.

Another pause. Her nerves were leveling out now, her mind mostly calm once more. Despite her persistently intense reactions, she was feeling better and better about opening up to her sister. “I think I’m almost ready to talk about it.”

“It?” Jess pushed off the wall. “ _The_ it? Or what-just-happened it?”

In an awkward rearranging of bedding, Shelby sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, keeping the comforter around her shoulders. “ _The_ it. She’s pretty much guessed what happened, anyway, and she’s been so great about it. Sandy already feels more like our mom than Alice has in a long time, for me at least. I can’t see any other way to keep talking about Roz and not explain what just happened. Like you pointed out, the parallels are there. Roz and I seem to have had pretty similar backgrounds, and JJ was shocked yesterday, but she’s handling it fine. Sandy, too. I don’t think I’ll go into detail, but I think I can tell them the gist of it and be okay.”

Jess kissed her on the forehead. “You’re amazing. I’ll go talk to them. Come out whenever you’re ready. No rush.”

Sophie reached out and snagged Jess’s hand before she could leave.

“Before you go, how much of what she said did you girls absorb? She explained it all really fast when you panicked. Did you catch any of it?”

Shelby’s recall of the last half hour was still hazy. Most of what she remembered was her own physical response and the steady, encouraging words from Peter and Sophie. “Not really. I remember her talking about teasing Paul with Roz’s sex life, then it all goes pretty fuzzy. Jess?”

“Same. What did she say?”

“Come sit, Jess.” She tugged until Jess joined her on the floor. Both of you, breathe, and do not panic again. It’s not bad, just a little sad. All right?”

They nodded.

“The reason they were leading into a conversation about Roz’s sex life is that, thanks to a consensual, drunken one-night stand, Roz was pregnant when she died.”

Yet another parallel, more or less. Internally, Shelby decided the universe was weird and cruel.

“JJ blurted all that out to try and calm you down because she was guessing that your minds had linked your abusive past with what they were saying about Roz, and she wanted you to know that wasn’t the case.”

“Ah. Yeah, that never crossed my mind about Roz.” Jess made a face. “I just freaked when she brought up talking about sex. Wasn’t expecting the conversation to hit that topic today.”

“Ditto.” Shelby’s mind wandered again. “She told me earlier she had some educated guesses about what happened, but would be happy to wait until I was ready to talk about it. Years, if I needed it.”

“Your sister’s pretty special,” Peter said.

She blew out a deep breath. “Yeah. Go talk to them, Jess, so they don’t think they shocked me permanently comatose. Guys, hit me with your best pep talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read what happens next in Chapter 20 of Family Found.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. The Monday Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows the end of Family Found and wraps up the Part 1, vignette-style companion-story section of Shaken and Stirred. The continuing story, Part 2, is being edited now and coming soon!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds or Hawaii Five-0.

_… Jess and I made it through the whole thing so smoothly after all that stressful build up, and she just sat there and absorbed what we were saying like a champ. I couldn’t really look at her while I was talking, but I think she was fine until we finished. Then, she freaked out and left._

_I didn’t hear what she said because I was too wrapped up in my own head at that point, but Peter and Sophie told me afterwards that she just needed to hug someone and since she couldn’t hug us, she went to find Will. It felt like forever but was probably only half an hour. I was getting so nervous, thinking I shouldn’t have told her the story so soon, but then she came back with Sandy._

_I don’t think JJ told her any details because she never had that look people get when they are trying to realign how they see you. We barely talked about it. Mostly they just said how impressed they were that we made it through such difficult experiences and emerged so strong and amazing blah, blah, blah… It was nice. I mean, it’s all stuff I’ve had drilled into my head before, told myself before, but to hear it from them, from family, felt pretty great._

_Sandy dove right into talking about making plans for the holidays this year, like it was just a given that we’d all be there if we could make the trip. Heads up - you’re invited too. Sandy looked like she kept holding herself back from asking a bunch of questions about you. I’m not sure what JJ has passed along, but I haven’t talked about you all that much yet. The full explanation of our history will require its own long conversation, and I wanted to introduce her to my less-complicated issues first. :P_

_I’ve been giving some serious thought to what you said about possibly moving east. It still makes me really nervous to think about such a big change, and I’m torn over leaving Horizon, but I don’t think I’d hate being in Virginia. I didn’t mention the possibility of moving to anyone yet, but I did talk to Jess about planning a vacation in the next couple months. We can scope out the area while JJ’s working and see if it makes me feel any better. Maybe we can even drive down and show Ginny where her Daddy works sometimes. We probably couldn’t get on base, but you know, the general area. Is Kelly still living near there? It would be nice to see her again._

_Ginny and I will see you soon. I’ll be picking her up from Gracie in the morning, but we’ll be sure to be back in time for your call. Ask her about her Nerf war with the Swanns. Curtis claimed it began as a free-for-all, but the munchkins joined forces for an offensive strike on poor Gracie._

_If you want to talk more about anything in this email, let me know when you can get time free again. Stay safe!_

_Love, Shelby_

Steve exhaled a heavy sigh. She did it. He’d been sure it would take a couple months before she worked up the courage to share the story. He wished he could have been there for her, but at least she’d had Peter, Sophie, and Jess. And it apparently went well. She’d seemed to gloss over a lot of stuff in that email.

“What’s with the face, man?”

Steve looked over to see Freddie watching him from his bunk. They’d ended the day at a reasonable hour this time, so the men had scattered to make the most of their free time. Steve and Freddie were the only two in the room.

“Shel emailed. She had another tough weekend.”

“Tougher than discovering your mother split your family in half and you have a long-lost twin?”

Freddie was Steve’s closest friend. His family had practically adopted Steve when they were in BUD/s and had played a significant role in his life in the years since. He trusted Freddie completely, and they often talked through problems together. Last week, Steve had been so uncharacteristically thrown by the reveal that Freddie had insisted he spill. He’d shared a little, but still guarded Shelby’s privacy fiercely, as always.

“Yeah, the whole learn-about-your-new-sisters process is taking a toll on all of them. There’s a lot of stuff to dredge up.”

“More secrets?” There was an eager gleam in his eye. The guy loved a good story. Luckily, he was loyal to the core and close-lipped when it counted.

“Look, I still don’t have their permission to share details. It’s been hard enough for them to tell each other. Shel definitely left holes in what she told me.”

“Gotcha. Shelby’s tough, she’ll make it through this fine.” He turned back to checking his own email.

Steve considered what he wanted to talk about. If there was anything Freddie could help him with. They’d been close for so long, Freddie knew most of Steve’s secrets. Probably knew him better than anyone. Talking with him had eased a lot of worries over the years. Caused a few, too.

“I just wish I could be with her through this. So many important things are happening right now, and I’m hearing about them after the fact. Too late to do anything more than listen and support. And even that’s when she can get ahold of me.” He tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I love what we do, I believe in what we do, but sometimes…”

“Sometimes it sucks.” Freddie swiveled his legs over the side of his bunk and sat up. “I get it, man. You helped me get through Dad’s health shit two years ago. Kept me sane and focused when I couldn’t be there and had to wait weeks for news. Anything you need, just say it.”

“I just returned the favor, brah. Anyway, Shel’s not going through anything like your dad. No danger, just reliving shit from her childhood. A lot of old issues popping back up again. Stuff she worked so hard to put behind her.”

“Ah.”

Steve watched as Freddie stood and walked the room for a minute. It was his thoughts-organizing pace, clearly distinct from his burning-rage pace and his panicked-worry pace. Best to let this one play out uninterrupted.

“Remember that long weekend we all went camping on your mountain in Washington a couple years back? When we finally met your baby girl in person?”

“Sure…”

“Kelly told me later that if I ever dared take her camping again it had better be in an RV or someplace with plumbing, but she really enjoyed spending time with Shelby and Ginny. I guess they talked a lot while we were climbing and prepping for that BASE jump. About Horizon, about dealing with the military family life, about themselves. Kelly said they bonded over evil stepparents.”

Steve moved stiffly to the edge of his bed, and Freddie sat down next to him, staring at the floor.

“Kelly’s stepmom was a piece of work. She spent way more time than she probably should have in high school over at my house, just to avoid the woman. My parents never said anything because they figured it out pretty early. They just kept setting an extra place at dinner and removed the lock from my bedroom door. Dad screwed with the hinge, too, so it couldn’t close all the way.” He chuckled. “They weren’t very subtle, but they were great about it.”

“Your parents are the best.”

“Tell me about it. Kelly and I have been off and on for years, but they’ve always been family to her. Even when we were with other people. I swear they sided with her more often than me when we fought.”

“I’m glad you were all there for her. Why are you telling me this, Freddie?”

“A couple reasons. First, I know Shel’s stepdad wasn’t a nice guy. If she told Kelly what happened, I never got details, but I pieced some things together.”

“Her mom was pretty awful too,” Steve grumbled. “In other ways.”

“Hm. Well, in any case, I get it. You can talk to me about anything you need to. Second, Kelly’s mentioned reaching out before. I’m not sure if they’ve been in touch since the camping trip, but Kelly’d be open to it. She could be another resource for Shelby while we’re away.”

Well, didn’t that just line up perfectly. “Thanks, man. Actually, that’s great to hear. The new sister lives in Virginia, and Shel’s planning to take Ginny to visit sometime soon. She just asked if Kelly was still there.” He pointed to his computer. “Think she’d like to reconnect with her.”

These boys weren’t in Naval Intelligence for nothing. Freddie grasped the possibilities immediately. “Oh, really? She’s in Virginia?”

“Yeah.” Steve shrugged. “Quantico.”

Freddie’s jaw dropped. “Jarhead or fed?”

“FBI.”

“You’re related to a feeb!”

“Mmhmm. I put a bug in Shel’s ear about maybe moving east. She’s thinking about it.” His smile stretched ear to ear.

“That’s awesome, man! Would they be in liberty range?”

“If it all works out. I’m letting her ease into the idea. She’s really unsure about leaving Washington. You think maybe you could encourage Kelly to reach out?”

“Of course. Anything to keep that sad, mopey look off your face during liberty. If your girls are on the East Coast, I might see you smile more.”

“You’re worried about me smiling?”

“Sure. You’re not as much of an asshat when you’re smiling, Smooth Dog. Just looking out for the team. Plus, it’s such a pretty smile.” Freddie held his fingers up in a frame and made a show of capturing Steve’s look.

“Shut up.” Steve batted his hands away.

“Angry rebels melt into puddles at the sight of that smile. It could truly be weaponized.”

“Get out. I have to call now.”

“No way. Not ‘til I say hi to the mini-you. I haven’t seen her in weeks.”

“Fine. But don’t—”

“Yeah, man. I’m not going to say a word.”

*****

When Ginny appeared onscreen, she was welcomed by two of their best ridiculously silly faces. Freddie’s head was perched over Steve’s shoulder, making them look like a two-headed joker. She immediately burst into giggles.

“Hi, Uncle Freddie!”

“Hey, squirt! Geez, how old are you now, ten? You must be mighty grown-up, operating that computer all by yourself.”

“No, I’m four! Mommy won’t let me do de computer.”

“Did she run away?”

“Nope.” Shelby moved into camera range. “Hey, Freddie. Keeping out of trouble?”

“Only when they’re watching.” His devilish grin was quickly returned.

“Excuse me! Am I invisible here?” Steve called out in mock outrage.

“I see you, Daddy!”

“Well, good. I thought maybe that last storm shook me like an Etch-A-Sketch and I was all gone.”

“People don’t get erased if you shake dem. Dat’s just drawings.”

“Good to know.”

Freddie turned his head to the side. “What’s that? Now? Oh, okay.” He looked back to the camera and frowned. “Looks like I’m needed back at work. Only this special guy gets to take a break to talk to beautiful girls.” He gave a dramatic, forlorn sigh. “Spare a thought for us poor, hard-working souls slaving away while he chats.”

Shelby rolled her eyes. “You’re such a ham. It was nice to see you, Freddie. Stay safe!

“Will do, sweetheart.”

“Bye, Uncle Freddie!” Ginny waved, oblivious.

“Bye, ladies!” He stood and moved to his own bunk with a small nod to Steve, and then put on his headphones.

Steve nodded back and refocused to the screen. “So, I hear you’ve been waging war in Agnes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! See you soon in Part 2...


	13. PART 2 - SPRING - Welcome to Virginia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with Part 2 - SPRING. I hope you like it! Thanks for reading.
> 
> Please consider a blanket mild trigger warning in effect for the rest of this work.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0.

“Welcome to Virginia, ladies!”

Shelby followed the familiar Southern voice to find Will standing to the side of the Arrivals area with Henry strapped to his chest. She heaved a grateful sigh and headed in their direction, hauling two carry-ons and her backpack.

“I’d say you didn’t have to meet us, but I’m so glad to see you.” She dropped the bags and gave him a gentle hug, placing a kiss on the baby's head. “Hi, Henry!”

“Hi, Uncle Will! Hi, Henry!” Ginny crowed from Jess’s back as they approached.

“Hello, sweetheart. Jess.”

“Hey, Will.” Jess leaned in close to babble at and tickle Henry, while Ginny made faces over her shoulder. “It’s so nice to finally meet you little man! I wish I could hold you, but I don’t think now’s the time.”

“Definitely not. Let’s go collect our bags and get out of here.” Shelby gathered up the carry-ons again and slung the pack onto her shoulder.

Jess shared a smile with Will. “She doesn’t get off the mountain much.”

Shelby just glared and stalked off towards Baggage Claim.

As they were waiting for the carousel to power up, Jess let Ginny off her back and traded her for Henry, bouncing him on her hip and talking to him. Will sat down with Ginny to ask about the trip, and Shelby collapsed into the next chair, closing her eyes.

The trip had gone fairly smoothly, she supposed, but she hadn’t flown in years, and it was also the first time Ginny had traveled anywhere further than Seattle. Her boundless energy restricted to a small space had been… an experience. Thank God for Jess. Between the two of them, they had kept her entertained and unobtrusive to the other passengers during the five-hour flight, trading luggage and child duties in each airport. It worked, but Shelby was exhausted. She hoped Ginny wouldn’t be too excited for a late nap once they got to the house.

After a couple weeks of coordination, Jess and Shelby had been able to plan a vacation to the East Coast for the two weeks around Easter. JJ and Will were taking some days off over the holiday weekend, but would be working the rest of the time, hopefully home most evenings. They had offered their house as home base during the girls’ exploration of the area. Shelby’s plan was to wander around to different tourist attractions while the couple was busy. To that end, Will had borrowed a spare child’s car seat from a neighbor for them to use in their rental.

With luggage loaded and children situated, they caravanned through small towns and countryside. Jess drove, so Shelby’s head was on a swivel, taking in the scenery and noting town names and features. Ginny had begged to ride with Will, and the women were only too happy to pass her off and bask in the silence.

Approaching the house, Shelby admired their beautiful neighborhood, with its rows of neat, historically-inspired but recently-built houses and condos. It was just this side of Pleasantville, and she felt like, if she took a walk, she’d be warmly greeted from each front porch. It was an entertaining thought, but really, all she wanted right then was to bring everything inside and collapse once more.

Ginny helpfully entertained Henry in his swing while the adults unloaded the cars into the living room. The novelty of a real, live baby instead of a doll had yet to wear off, and she was delighted with this particular addition to her family. She sang him all her favorite songs and spun the toys over his head. Shelby paused in the doorway to watch the adorable scene.

“We’ve got the guest room set up for you. Air mattress is already inflated, in case you want to make use of that. Last door on the right.” Will nodded toward her increasingly droopy-eyed daughter. “JJ texted me earlier, and she won’t be back from Texas until late, so I thought we could do a simple night in with pizza and movies. I know your time zones are off, so we can eat whenever you’re hungry.”

“Bless you. That sounds wonderful. Ginny Rabbit, I think Henry’s looking a little tired. Let’s give him some space and go read for a while.” She took the hovering cousin by the hand and led her down the hall, scooping up their carry-on along the way.

The girl was out in five minutes, and so was Shelby. When they emerged two hours later, they found Jess and Will chatting in the kitchen.

“Hello, my sleeping beauties.” Jess scooped Ginny into a hug. “All rested and ready for pizza?”

“Yum! I love pizza!”

“Perfect. We just placed the order. One large pizza with anchovies and pickles. Sound good?”

Ginny’s face was a priceless combination of confusion and annoyance. “Pickles aren’t for pizza. What’s a jovey?”

“Anchovies are little fishies.”

Her look morphed into disgust, but her manners held. “No, tank you.” She leaned against Jess’s shoulder in despair.

“Well, since you were such a polite young lady, I think they can switch it to cheese and pepperoni. That better?”

Ginny nodded vigorously. “Yes, please!”

“Done. Why don’t you go get your movies out of your bag and show Uncle Will what you brought?”

She raced out of the room, and the adults broke into laughter.

“So mean, Aunt Jess.” Shelby scolded.

“Y’all don’t know what you’re missing. Anchovies are great. We were just comparing go-to toppings when you came in. What’s your combo, Shelby?” Will moved to the fridge and held up drink options.

Shelby took a cola and settled onto a barstool. “Steve got me hooked on ham and pineapple, but sometimes I switch out the ham for bacon.”

Jess accepted a beer. “Offbeat, but still fairly mainstream. Not my favorite, but I don’t mind it. I prefer mushroom, green pepper, and tomato, with zucchini when I can get it.”

“Not the full veggie mix?” Will popped the cap on his own beer.

“Nah. I don’t like olives and banana peppers. Also, I’m obsessed with bacon, but strangely, not on pizza. Will?”

“The more toppings on my pizza the better. All the standard meats and veggies. No pineapple.”

“Don’t know what you’re missing,” Shelby echoed with a smile.

*****

Three hours of Disney later, JJ entered the house to find them all sprawled around the living room in their pajamas. Ginny was just starting to tire again, but she perked right up at the appearance of her new aunty and began a long-winded explanation of everything that had happened since their last Skype call. Her innocently biting commentary on the other plane passengers was particularly amusing. Noting that stress was more present than humor on JJ’s face, Shelby raised an eyebrow at Jess and tilted her head towards the back hall. As soon as Ginny wrapped up her observations, Jess stood and stretched.

“Oh, my goodness. I didn’t take a nap earlier and I’m feeling it. Will you come tell me a bedtime story, Ginny?”

“Okay.” She moved around the room for goodnight hugs and kisses and sped off ahead of Jess.

“Rough case?” Will asked, drawing JJ down to sit beside him where he could massage her shoulders.

“The ending was. Killer with Dissociative Identity Disorder. We caught them just before they killed their abusive stepfather, and the protectively aggressive, murderous personality permanently locked the submissive, innocent personality away for safekeeping. Spence took it pretty badly. It brought back Hankel memories. Hit me hard too, actually. I hate when we have to let a bad guy walk and punish a victim. The DID really clouds the issue.”

Shelby watched what must be a common wind-down routine for the couple. They were so wrapped up in each other, they barely noticed her presence. JJ had closed her eyes and was leaning into his hands as she spoke, while Will murmured soothing responses into her ear.

A flicker of envy burned through her. She’d had that once. Briefly. Almost. That deep connection. But physical distance meant scenes like this had been a rarity. She and Steve had done their best to connect on a more emotional level through endless emails, texts, letters, and calls. They’d made a commitment to talking through everything possible, a task painfully difficult for each of them, and had come out stronger for it. Even when the romantic side of their relationship fell apart, they’d managed to hold onto that solid bond that carried them through any struggle. It comforted and supported, but it didn’t satisfy.

Seeing the tender affection her sister received, Shelby couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes. She quickly turned away and dried them with her sleeve, hoping not to interrupt them. No such luck.

“You okay, Shelby?”

Will had stilled his hands and was now watching her in concern.

JJ’s eyes flew open. “Oh, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, Shelby, I shouldn’t have—"

“No! You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s not you. I’m just tired. Traveling with a four-year-old is no picnic. I should head to bed.” She stood and folded her blanket. “Thanks again for letting us stay with you.”

“It’s no trouble. We’re glad to have you here.”

“Shelby, I’m really—”

“Don’t worry about it. Goodnight!” She scurried down the hall before her sister could stop her, slowing at the end to open the bedroom door quietly. Seeing that Ginny was already asleep on the air mattress and Jess was reading on her side of the bed, she gently closed the door and leaned back against it, letting the tears flow freely.

“Shel? What’s wrong?” Jess whispered and set her book aside.

“Nothing.”

Jess opened her arms, and Shelby went right over to curl into the hug.

“I’m so glad you came with us.”

“Of course I came. I’m excited to be here and I know you are too, so what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Shelby sniffled. “Just overtired from the stress of the trip.”

“Bzzt. Try again.”

“Really, I’m fine.”

“Tears tell me otherwise. You never let me see you cry.”

Jess was right, and Shelby was now kicking herself for the lapse. She shook her head and wiped at her face.

“I don’t want to get into it with Ginny here.”

“A thunderstorm wouldn’t wake that girl once she’s out. Next excuse?”

“Fine. I was upset by the case JJ was telling Will about. It involved an abusive stepfather.”

Jess gripped Shelby’s chin and turned it so she could look her in the eyes. “Nope. That might be true, but that’s not what’s making you cry. Come on. Talk to me, Shel.”

Shelby stared for a minute, then extracted herself from Jess’s grasp and slid down to sit in a ball on the floor beside the bed. She reached back and tugged down a throw blanket to wrap around her shoulders. Jess sighed and moved to sit next to her. With the bed as a wall between her and her daughter, Shelby felt a little more at ease.

“They were just too much.”

“JJ and Will? Why?”

“They were all comfortable and affectionate. He was massaging her shoulders, and she was talking about her day. The perfect domestic scene. I just—” Fresh tears burst through. “I miss Steve.”

“Oh, honey.”

“We never really got quite that far. That complete ease with each other. There was never enough time in person, and we had issues. But he was the closest I’ve ever been to that sort of relationship, and to see my twin, essentially a mirror of myself, like that… it just hit me hard. This visit is going to be tough.”

Jess put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her sideways. “Well, it’s a good thing they’re both working most of the time, then. Ginny and I will distract you with monuments and battlefields and museums and zoos. Okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Now, let’s get some sleep and try to dodge the jetlag.”


	14. DC Fun and Twin Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Higher Ground, Criminal Minds, or Hawaii Five-0

JJ and Will both had arranged for Sunday off and planned to play tour guides for the day since they’d be stuck at work during the week. They’d given Ginny some kid-friendly options, and she’d decided on the Museum of Natural History and the Zoo.

The group loaded into two cars, with JJ and Will driving so the girls could just be tourists for a while, viewing the sights at a distance from the crowds without the stress of navigating traffic. They wound up by the National Mall and walked among cherry blossoms just beyond peak bloom. Jess was snapping tons of pictures to share with Sophie, having Ginny pose and dance among the falling petals.

They spent a wonderful morning at the museum. Ginny was particularly fascinated by the fossils and the minerals, soaking in the experience so she could tell the Swann boys all about the dinosaurs and already planning her own expeditions to see what treasures they could find in the forest. She also loved identifying which animals were in the mountains around Horizon. As she explained to JJ and Will, she knew all about them “cuz we have to be safe and pay attention in de woods.” Shelby smiled proudly at the impact of that particular lesson, glad it had sunk in.

They ate lunch at the museum before taking Ginny on her first Metro ride to reach the zoo. She was amazed by the loud trains zooming into the station, but rather nervous on the trip, and clung to Shelby like a koala. Shelby murmured in her ear and stroked her back, filing away that wonderful feeling. Her bold little girl would grow out of needing her Mommy before too long.

All afternoon, they explored the zoo. As a trade-off for requiring her hand be held at all times, Shelby allowed Ginny to drag her from animal to animal, reading the information cards and making a game of who could spot the animals first in the large enclosures. Truth be told, Shelby was enjoying the day almost as much as her daughter.

Jess got in on the fun, but also spent time chatting with JJ and Will, feeding Henry, and checking out the reptile exhibit on her own. No one else wanted to see the snakes. They all met back up at the Kids’ Farm, where Ginny declared her love for the miniature goats and begged to have one at home.

Jess snickered. “Horizon doesn’t need a goat. It already has you! You’re smart and energetic, you climb mountains, you eat everything in sight… Maybe instead of Ginny Rabbit it should be Ginny Goat!”

“I am not a goat!” Ginny wrenched her hand free of her mother and chased after her aunt, demanding an apology.

“And so ends our busy, napless day. I think we’d better get going before she gets too cranky.” Shelby moved to intercept.

As they exited the zoo and headed back to the metro, Shelby struggled to manage Ginny until Will was able to charm the grumpy girl into being carried. She soon fell asleep on his shoulder and managed to stay out through most of the car ride home.

Shelby rode in awkward silence with her twin. She had successfully avoided interacting with the couple through most of the day, but Jess was fed up with the hurt, questioning looks and forced the issue by calling shotgun with the boys.

“Talk to her,” she’d commanded in a whisper as she headed to the other car.

Twenty minutes into the drive, JJ finally broke the silence. “I miss being able to sleep like that.” She snuck a glance at the car seat in the rearview mirror. “Not a care in the world and no reason to be half-alert.”

“Yeah, she sleeps like the dead once she’s out, though it took her a few years to develop that skill. The first year was rough.”

“Not a consistent sleeper?”

“Colicky for a while. Then, it was like she was uninterested in sleeping. She’d only go down for short periods of time, months longer than the books said to expect, and usually wouldn’t settle herself whenever she woke. Demanded attention. If I hadn’t moved back to Washington, I probably would have gone a little insane on my own.”

“You haven’t told me that story before. You, Steve, and Ginny: The early years.” She’d said it hopefully, as though offering an easy topic of conversation, unaware that she’d hit on the exact reason for Shelby’s distance.

Shelby turned away to watch the scenery flying by. “It’s complicated. I don’t want to get into it right now.”

“Okay.” She turned on the radio and kept the volume low.

With each passing mile, Shelby’s inner battle grew. She knew she should talk it out, explain why she was so off, but she hated the thought of exposing any of her raw nerves. Talking about Steve meant talking about insecurities, anxieties, depression, secrets. She tried to work out what she could say that would ease her sister’s worry and still guard her weakest points.

Ten minutes later, JJ tried again. “Are we all right? Everything’s seemed great over the last month, but it’s felt off since I got back from Texas.”

Shelby closed her eyes and leaned her head onto the window for a moment. “Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s nothing you’ve done. I’m just… struggling with something right now. A few things, actually.”

“Can I help?”

She took a deep breath. “Maybe.”

As she considered where to begin, Ginny stirred.

“Hey, munchkin. Have a nice nap?”

She rubbed her eyes and looked around. “Where are we?”

“On our way back to Aunty JJ’s house.”

“Almost there, too,” JJ added. “You missed most of the boring trip! Should be about five more minutes.”

“Where’s Henry?”

“He’s riding with Uncle Will and Aunty Jess in the other car.”

“Did he take a nap?” she asked grudgingly. Ginny was fighting naps more and more these days, especially since the older Swann boys liked to tease the younger kids about them. Luckily, her body still wouldn’t let her skip them completely. But their days were numbered.

“I bet he fell asleep as soon as they started driving. He loves to sleep in cars. You can ask Will when we get to the house. And it was a big day. You saw so many things. What was your favorite?”

JJ’s questions kept Ginny talking for the rest of the drive, to Shelby’s relief. When they arrived back at the house, she helped Ginny out of the car and sent her to Jess before pulling JJ aside.

“Would you mind if you and I went somewhere to talk for a while?”

JJ observed Ginny’s renewed energy as she bounced around Jess, reliving the highlights of the day, and called Will over. “Did Henry sleep in the car?”

“Not much. It’s about time for him to eat again. He should drop off after that. Why?”

“You up for a trip to the playground? Shelby and I want to talk for a bit. If you and Jess can take Ginny to burn off some energy, I can feed Henry and get dinner started. That work for you, Shelby?”

“Fine with me, if you’re sure you don’t mind going back out, Will. I’m sorry to stick you with my Energizer Bunny.”

“It’s no problem. And I bet Ginny will love the playground. It’s a whole fantasy-themed place. It’s got secret passages, tunnels, and turrets. She can compare it to her obstacle course.”

“Okay. Hey, Jess!”

Jess came around the car carrying Ginny upside down over her shoulder. “Yes?”

Ginny squirmed and giggled as the adults talked, trying to get back upright.

“You up for one more adventure while JJ and I make dinner?”

“I love a good adventure.”

“Well then,” Will stepped forward and bowed. “Allow me to escort ye two fair maidens to the castle playground.”

*****

A potty break and wardrobe change later, they were back in the car and off to battle dragons. JJ was prepping a bottle when Shelby entered the kitchen with Henry. She’d snatched him from his swing and was nuzzling at his peach-fuzz hair.

“May I?” She pointed to the bottle. “Mine’s all big and sassy now. I miss this size.”

JJ handed it over. “Be my guest. I’ll start chopping. Is chicken, potato wedges, and steamed veggies okay?”

“Sounds perfect. Leave me something to do, and I’ll help once he’s done.”

She pulled out ingredients and dishes and set to work. “So. You were going to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me all day.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if something’s bothering you.”

“Well, it’s just… I seem to be struggling a little with the twin thing.” Shelby could hear the ridiculousness of that sentence, but the right words weren’t coming easily.

JJ looked up from the cutting board. “The twin thing. I’m going to need a little more to go on.”

“You’re me. I mean, you look just like me. And when I’m standing in front of you, seeing you, I see me. But not me, the me in my head. I’m sorry. I know I’m not making any sense.”

“Well, not much, anyway. So, it’s bothering you to look at me because I look like you?”

“Sort of.”

“Need some more.”

Shelby took a deep breath. “I’m looking at you and seeing a better version of me. A version I dream about. You and Will have this adorably perfect and supportive relationship. You’re all here, as a family. You’ve got an awesome mom who loves you, and a great brother. You’re happy. You’ve got your life together. You’re making a major difference in the world doing something you love, driven by passion. You’re not… wounded, like I am.”

JJ’s mouth was hanging open, and she had frozen mid-chop. “I—” She carefully set potato and knife aside, washed her hands, and came around the counter to sit beside Shelby.

“First of all, I’m so glad we know each other well enough now that you feel comfortable enough to tell me that. Second—since we are getting to know each other better, feeling more comfortable with each other—I’m glad I know enough to say that is complete nonsense.”

Shelby’s eyes flicked up to meet her sister’s.

“Third, it actually eases my mind to hear you say that because I was feeling some similar things.”

“What could you possibly—”

“When we first met, one of my initial reactions was ‘Damn. She’s gorgeous.’” They both snorted a laugh at her deadpanned annoyance. “I kind of hated you for it. Just a little. All of my new-mommy insecurities were staring me in the face. You looked hot. You’re so thin and toned and healthy, and I’d just got back from maternity leave and was feeling pudgy, uncomfortable and run-down. Then, Ginny arrived, and I watched you interact. You’re an amazing mother, and Ginny adores you. It was everything I was terrified of at the time. What if I’m bad at being a mom? What if my kid doesn’t like me or is just… a terror? What if I fail? And then there’s the therapy. What I learned over the course of one weekend at Horizon astonished me. Even though… history had beaten you down, you were all so open—”

“I wasn’t open at all that weekend.” Shelby frowned as she shifted Henry to her shoulder and patted his back. JJ jumped up to retrieve a dishcloth and tuck it under his chin.

“Not about your history. I mean your approach, your welcoming… I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but I watched you all discuss things so easily. Even if the discussion was that you didn’t want to discuss something. That name-your-elephants thing that Peter did… I had been so completely shut down for so long, about anything related to Roz, that I didn’t even realize how much I’d suppressed. The conversations we had that weekend, observing you with your students, seeing how open you were with them. I realized I didn’t want to be so closed off. At least among friends and family. I’ve always been a pretty… contained person. I have this confident, outgoing public face when I’m at work—I needed it to get where I am—but now, understanding just how much of my contained self was pressure-packed avoidance from when I was a kid, I want to be more open. Like you.”

“But I—”

JJ stopped her again with a wave of the hand. “Withholding information about yourself until you are comfortable around someone is not what I’m talking about. I mean your willingness to talk through things, to acknowledge struggles and face them. The tools you have learned and internalized through Horizon, through studying psychology. I’m jealous of those. I’m surrounded by criminal profilers, who are all about psychology, but we analyze and dissect and then leave it at work. We’re close, but now I’m seeing how much we don’t truly open up to each other. By-product of the job, I guess, since we’re all terrified of their near-mind-reading capabilities. We put up walls to block it. And I think we suffer for it. I call them my B.A.U. family—and they are, absolutely—but I’m realizing how much we can develop those bonds if we learn to open up. And that’s all thanks to you.”

“Wow.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m talking at you a lot, but let me just address what you said. My relationship with Will is not perfect. Far from it, in fact. You’ve only seen it in snapshots. One overwhelming weekend in the mountains, some video calls, and now about 24 hours here. Give it a few days on our home turf, in daily life, and see what you think then. In this new spirit of openness, maybe the three of us can go full slumber-party sometime and gossip about boys. I’d love to understand more about your relationship with Steve. But not tonight.”

Shelby nodded and shifted Henry back to her arms for the last part of his bottle.

“Now, what were the other things? My happy family, my passion for my job, and my… un-woundedness?”

Shelby nodded again. She was feeling both relieved and ridiculous. Hearing her twin list her own insecurities and jealousies was calming that whiny inner voice.

JJ checked off the issues with her fingers. “Well, one, my ‘un-woundedness’—that can’t be a word—as I have just explained, is complete bullshit. I’m more messed up than I realized, and I am learning to deal with it.

“Two. My happy family. Yeah, you definitely got the short end of the stick there. But you’ve got Jess and Peter and Sophie, and the relationship you all share is awesome. And now, you’ve got any part of my family you are willing to embrace. We already had this discussion the day we met. We are not alone. Those were your words. You’re getting a full-force introduction later this week, so all you have to do is accept them. They’re thrilled to accept you.”

Shelby warmed inside at that knowledge.

“And finally, my passion-filled job. I see absolutely no reason for you to be jealous of my job situation. You make a difference every single day in the lives of your students. You love your job, don’t you?”

“Yeah, most days.”

“Same. I love my job. Except for the days when I don’t. Like this week. When I had to watch us release someone we knew to be a horrible person, just because they weren’t the focus of our investigation, because they were a current victim. Like last week, when I had to walk through a huge room filled with sheet-covered arson victims. Like two years ago, when my best friend was taken hostage by a serial killer, and we had to watch, helplessly, as he was tortured on camera.” Her breath hitched and she held up a hand as she choked down a sob.

“There’s good and bad in any job, and I imagine we both see some amazing things alongside some pretty terrible things too. You become a little numb to the bad parts. You have to. Yeah, I’m driven to keep doing what I’m doing because of the good days—or the bad days with satisfying conclusions—but I don’t think it should be enviable for you. It is stressful as hell. And like you’ve described before, I help stop the bad things happening to people, but you help them survive the aftermath. That’s a huge amount of good you’re putting out into the world, helping those kids cope with their lives and learn how to thrive.” JJ leaned over to take Henry. “I’m going to put him in his crib. You want to finish the potatoes? I’ll be right back.”

Shelby watched her go, then shook herself into action and moved to continue the dinner prep. That was a lot of information to process.

*****

When JJ returned, they worked in silent tandem, only asking to be passed something. In no time, they had potatoes seasoned and in the oven, chicken marinating for the grill, and veggies waiting to be steamed.

JJ suggested they sit on the patio while they waited for the grill to preheat and offered beer, wine, or lemonade. When Shelby chose lemonade, she paused.

“You don’t have to answer this, but I don’t want to keep saying the wrong thing. Should I not offer you guys alcohol? Should we not drink around you?”

Shelby waved her concern away. “No, don’t worry about it. Drink what you want. Although I’d prefer no one be drunk around Ginny, a few beers, a glass of wine, whatever, is fine. Jess will probably take you up on the offer more than I will, but it’s not because of a problem. It’s just habit. I stopped drinking when I was pregnant, and since I moved back to Horizon so soon after she was born, I never really started up again. Alcohol’s banned on campus, and I don’t get off-campus much.”

“Gotcha.” She poured two glasses of lemonade and motioned towards the back door.

As JJ lit the grill and they settled at the patio table, Shelby considered her next words.

“Also… for me… it could have been a dangerous crutch. Back then. I had a few unhealthy ways of dealing with everything that was happening, and luckily, I got sent to Horizon before any of them could take hold of me. I learned to successfully cope without them. I’m not especially addiction-prone, but I saw what it could do to people, and it’s a path I don’t want to travel. Sorry if that sounded preachy. It’s just the reasoning for myself. I don’t have a problem with anybody’s recreational drinking. I’m just a little extra-sensitive to people going overboard. Not that it bothers me—I mean, it doesn’t make me panic or anything—I just notice when it’s happening, and I feel concerned for them. It’s probably the trained counselor in me. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does. Thanks for telling me.”

There was a chill in the air now, but it had been a beautiful day. The sky was just beginning to shift into a sunset that promised brilliant oranges and magentas, with enough clouds to enhance the glow. She contentedly sipped her lemonade and enjoyed the view.

“We don’t often see magnificent sunsets on the mountain. Too many trees in the way. This is gorgeous.”

“Shelby?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m thinking about what you said… about drinking as a crutch…”

Shelby turned her attention to JJ.

“It’s pretty common, right? My team… They have a wide variety of ways to deal with the horrors we see. A drink at the end of the day is one. Sometimes we let off steam with a night out, drinks and dancing.” JJ was chewing on her lip.

Shelby leaned over and placed her hand on JJ’s. “Hey. There is nothing wrong with letting off steam in a safe way. Especially among friends. Hell, it’s healthier to let loose and release stress than it is to bottle it up or deny it. It becomes a problem when you can’t cope without it, or you start getting secretive or excessive about it, or it makes you dangerous to yourself or others. If that’s ever a situation you or your friends and family run into, I’d be happy to help you, or them, work through it. I’d also join you for those nights on the town. I’m more of a dancer than a drinker these days, but I used to love going out. Before my mountain bubble of obligatory example-setting virtue and responsible mommy-hood. I’m not judging anybody.”

JJ smiled and squeezed her hand. “Thanks.” She exhaled a deep breath. “Look at us being all open and non-avoidant.”

“Yeah. Sorry about today. And earlier. What you said. It helped. You know, your insecurities are misplaced too. You’re beautiful. If being a certain shape is a major worry for you, I can tell you that you looked great when we met, and just in the month or so since then, you’ve noticeably slimmed down. It took me at least a year to get anywhere close to my pre-baby shape, and then I was constantly active on the mountain and chasing Ginny everywhere. That toned me more. Just wait ‘til Henry starts moving. You’ll be a wonderful mom, too. You care so deeply for everyone in your life, I haven’t seen any reason to think otherwise. And about your openness. I told you before how amazed Jess and I were with how quickly you’d acknowledged, embraced, and begun to work on your issues. Give yourself a break.”

“Only if you will too.”

“Deal.”

JJ retrieved the chicken from the kitchen and put it on the grill. “So, can I ask what specifically set you off on the jealous comparisons yesterday?”

Shelby sighed. “I still don’t want to get into it now, but I was watching the sweet way Will helped you unwind from a stressful case, and I was feeling sorry for myself. I want a close relationship like that. I miss romance.” She cleared her throat. “I was missing Steve.”

“And is there no possibility of fixing that?” JJ asked carefully.

“Like I said, it’s complicated. Not tonight, JJ.”

“All right.”

“I’ll go set the table and call Jess to make sure they’re heading back in time.” She picked up their empty glasses and headed inside. A few calming breaths suppressed the threatening tears, and she got to work.

*****

“So, ladies, what’s your plan for this week? Anything you want to do?” Will asked as he sliced off a piece of chicken.

Jess took a sip of water before answering. “Well, actually, since you two are working this week and then everyone’s coming for the weekend, we thought we’d take the opportunity to travel around the state a little. We’re going to head south for a few days, get out of your hair, and do some exploring. Check out Richmond, Norfolk, Williamsburg.”

“I hope you’re not skipping town because of us,” JJ murmured to Shelby.

Will turned to her sharply, with a questioning eyebrow raised.

“Not at all. We want to show Ginny her daddy’s stateside stomping grounds, and I promised to meet up with a friend of ours.”

“Daddy lives by de Little Creek when he comes back from de Farawaylands.”

“That’s right, he does. Might do a little East Coast hiking, too. We’ll stay in a hotel down there for a couple days so we’re not spending extra hours running back and forth, but we should be back Wednesday so we can help you prep everything for the weekend on Thursday. If that works for you guys?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Got any must-see recommendations?” Jess asked.

Will shook his head. “I’m fairly new to town. My days off have all been spent with Henry and JJ.”

JJ grimaced. “Unfortunately, I haven’t taken a lot of time to explore the southern part of the state in all the years I’ve been here, aside from cases. I wandered more to the north and west. I have heard good things about Easter on Parade in Richmond, but that would be on Sunday, so that’s no help. You should let me know what you like. Maybe we can start doing some short trips on days off this year.”

Shelby reminded Ginny to eat her vegetables. “So, we’ll head out when you do in the morning. What time do you leave for work?”

“Will leaves for the city around 5:30—”

Jess choked on her water.

“—but the babysitter comes at 6:30, and I leave around 7, since I’m heading south.”

“Thank God for the extra hour. I need my sleep!”


End file.
